Felix
- 2005-02-11
Really good medicine indeed, Doctor, but for what type of illness or illnesses and what is the dosage?
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.
She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"
A little girl raised her hand.
"Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?"
"It's a cow, teacher."
"Very good, Janie," said the teacher.
Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"
Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, Teacher. It's a B i g H o r n y B a s t a r d!"
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined Rmb20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined Rmb60. Being caught a third time will cost you Rmb180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?"
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
A group of Chinese students went on an educational trip to the local police station in the US, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.
One of them pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."
So she asked, "Why didn't you keep our foreign teacher when you took the picture?"
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
A teacher comes into the class room and there is a red apple with the letter "T" on it setting on her desk. She asks: "My what a pretty apple. Who brought this to me?"
Little girl in the front row replies: "I did teacher."
The teacher asks: "What does the letter "T" stand for?"
"Teacher", she replies.
The next day there is a great big red apple, with the letters "TT" on it.
"My what a big beautiful apple who brought this to me?"
Little boy in the back row says: "I did."
"Why thank you, but what do the letters "TT" stand for?"
"To Teacher", he replies.
A couple of days later there is a huge watermelon on her desk with the letters "F U C K" on it.
She asks: "Who brought this watermelon in?"
A little black boy in the center of the class replies: "Why i did teacher".
"Why thank you very much. We'll have this at recess, but do you know what the letters stand for?", she asks in a upset tone.
"Yes maam. From Us Colored Kids..."
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely."
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. "As I felt my balls slap against her bums, I knew that I was in definitely!
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
Li Rui, Xiao Ming, and Mr. Gao-their school owner are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says Li Rui. "I want to be in Miami, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says Xiao Ming. "I want to be in a Nudist Beach, relaxing on the beach with all the beautiful nude ladies by my side ." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the genie says to Mr Gao.
Mr Gao says, "They are paying a lot of money to keep my school going-I want those kids back here right now."
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is China English Language School," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy cannot be able to coming to school all next week," replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all to going on a families vacation," says the voice, "I hoping is all right you."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"
"Yes. This is my father!"
Chinaman
- 2005-02-10
It was a cold winter day in Harbin, when Tony an Esl teacher walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when one of his students walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from where he is and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The teacher couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the student dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the teacher couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.
He went to the student and said, "Bill, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The student responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra roory rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the teacher asked.
Again the student responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra roory rums rarrm."
"Look," said the teacher, "I've been teaching you for 2 bloody years now and I still can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the student spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the bloody worms warm!"