For many years, as I worked on students' self-esteem, I would come across young adults who, for some unknown reason, would just stop turning in homework. Their behavior puzzled me because of the fact that the student often did well in school and had good grades in the past.
While this experience may not appear to pertain to you, I recently came across an older adult who, upon completing her work tasks, also did not turn them in. Perhaps you have done a similar behavior when you have seen someone you don't like, and you either turn away or try to ignore them as you pass.

All three of these examples clearly demonstrate individuals who have very strong self doubts. In the case of the student, who doesn't turn in their homework, they often begin to think, as they do their homework something like, "This is too hard. I can't do it. Why did the teacher make it so hard?" And, with thought pattern going, they suddenly start watching TV, doing a computer game or go play.

These thoughts can be so powerful that one of my student clients scored perfectly on the Pre SAT (the pre test to get into college) for reading and written language, but got an F in an English class. Why? Again simple. He just didn't do the homework or the assignments, despite outstanding academic skills, due to his doubts about his abilities.

Likewise, when you avoid looking at someone you are upset at, it is often your doubts at work. Or, when you see a manager being overly aggressive or hostile at work, it is often caused by their doubts about their own capabilities.

Self doubts, though, are so very common that many people take them as normal. How often have you seen someone complement another person, and the person respond with, "Well I'm not that good looking." Or "It was just luck." Certainly some of the responses are individuals being modest but most of the time the"individual just doesn't believe that she is bright enough, good looking enough, or that she is very capable.

Where do these self doubts come from? Many people point their finger to their parents saying if my mom or dad just didn't criticize me, yell at me, or would have treated me better, then I wouldn't feel this way. Well, there is some truth in that.

However, in working with young children, at preschool level, one can see the self doubts appearing in terms of extremely shy behavior (it is normal for children to feel shy), or the inability to stay in a group, or hitting or bullying others.

Then, if these attitudes are already present, and the parents bear some of the blame, where did these fears and doubts come from? Heredity? Correct. We estimate that between 60-80% of our behavior is inherited. So, you can blame mom or dad, but not about how they raised you. Instead, they gave you the genes that made you have these doubts.

The challenge is for us to overcome these genetic dispositions. The answer to that question will be coming in a future article.