It can be tempting to try to solve other people's problems but it takes special skills and sensitivities, and even then it may not be what benefits them most. People are generally capable of solving their own problems. Ill-considered or unsolicited suggestions, however well-intentioned, can signal that you're insensitive to the other person's feelings or are trying to take control. This can irritate or hurt them, undermine their self-esteem and even threaten their relationship with you.

Tread Carefully

1. Listen Well

The issues may be more complex than they seem, and listening attentively will help give you a basis for better advice. More importantly, a sympathetic listener may be all the other person needs. Allowing people to unburden, air their anxieties, consider options and spot solutions of their own can be more empowering for them than imposing your solutions. And they're more likely to follow their own advice.

2. Get Permission

Always ask whether the person has already thought of some solutions before giving advice. Say, 'How have you considered handling this?' If they are at a loss, add, 'Would you like to hear my ideas?' Even if the person specifically asks for advice, start by asking, 'What are your ideas?'

3. Empathize

If you've experienced a similar situation, remember how you felt and what helped you. But everyone is different, so offer it as your subjective experience, not a one-size-fits-all solution.

4. Brainstorm

The other person is in the best position to know what will work for them. Ask questions to help them to consider all the factors involved, and to weigh up all the alternatives.

5. Know your Limits

To advise is to take the position of an expert, which can be unhelpful if you're not qualified, or dangerous if the advice is in specialized areas such as law, health or psychology. If in doubt, direct them to professionals.

6. Be Straight

Are you genuinely considering the other person's needs, or projecting your own hopes, fears or aspirations onto them? Being seen as a person who can give advice is a very powerful position and may make you feel rather superior. Consequently advice can be a value judgment, and what has been right for you may not be right for the other person. Examine your motives: are you promoting a line that may benefit you in some way, perhaps by putting the other person in the same position as you? (If you're currently minus a partner, for example, could you be advising a friend to leave hers so she will share your lot?). Rather generate solutions together and discuss their various outcomes before deciding on a course of action.

7. Respect their Decision

Only the person involved knows what's right for them, or what they're capable of so if they don't take your advice, accept it. But if following their own counsel could harm them or others (by perhaps not stopping drug usage, or committing a crime), contact the appropriate counseling services or authorities.

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