If you watched the news this morning, you may have been "treated" to this: an overweight boy being punched repeatedly by another youngster-even in the face. He just stands there taking it, time and time again, and then suddenly he moves, grabs his attacker, picks him up, flips him over, and drops him to the hallway floor like a twig.

And we know all this thanks to a classmate who videotaped the incident rather than interceding or calling for help...

It's what we've apparently come to in this 21st century of a cell phone in every kid's pocket, video games that make a "game" of violent behavior, not-very-kid-appropriate films, and television shows that portray folks acting badly-complete with laugh track.

The end result: a lot of children are being tormented like never before, going well beyond "kids will be kids," and often with lasting effect.

Meanwhile, statistics suggest that only about one-third of victims confide in someone at school-and quite often, they remain silent at home, as well. So, how is a parent to know if their son or daughter is being bullied? It's unfortunately quite possible, since about 25% of our children are victimized in one way or another.

Just be vigilant, sensitive to changes in behavior, attitude, and attention while keeping these stopbullying.gov warning signs in mind:

• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings;

• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and/or scratches;

• Has few, if any, friends with whom s/he spends time;

• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs);

• Takes a long, "illogical" route when walking to and from school;

• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school;

• Appears, sad, moody, teary, or depressed when s/he comes home;

• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments;

• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams;

• Experiences a loss in appetite; or

• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem.

One thing is certain: once you know, don't make light of it, or say that being bullied is a normal part of growing up, a rite of passage that everyone goes through. Truth is, while kids have long been singing about only sticks and stones hurting their bones, not words, all of it hurts and can leave emotional scars that never fully heal.

Usually boys engage in more physical kinds of bullying-shoving, hitting, pushing, and the like-while girls tend towards name-calling, social exclusion, and abusing or teasing in group settings. Cruelty comes in many forms.

The important thing is not to over-react. Your child needs to feel secure in talking to you without overly upsetting you. When that happens, kids, reluctant to cause more distress, sometimes shut down and stop seeking guidance.

Instead, keep the lines of communication open and convince your child to also confide in a trusted teacher or guidance counselor, maintaining that it's not tattling. Meanwhile, advise that s/he avoid the perpetrator(s) whenever possible and not react to taunts when confronted, as that's the desired effect. Discourage retaliation, too, but assure your child that if self-defense is the only option, s/he will have your support, regardless of the punishing steps the school must take.

Then:

1. Remain open-minded, continuing to listen well, with few interruptions.

2. Avoid placing blame on your child.

3. Try to figure out why your child is being targeted. For instance, if it appears to be poor social skills, step in and help develop them.

4. Keep a detailed log of the incidents, recording names, dates, and times.

5. Alert the school, starting with your child's guidance counselor, who can intervene on his/her behalf and also provide a safe haven.

6. If the problem persists, notify an administrator and have them intercede on your child's behalf-and put it in writing.

7. Know your child's friends and encourage "play dates."

8. Build on your child's innate talents/interests, signing her/him up for related activities that will, in turn, boost confidence and be a source of new friends.

9. Let your love never be in doubt.

10. Model the behavior your want to see in your child and be sure to intervene if you ever witness a child being mistreated.

Insist, too, that an anti-bullying program be in place at your child's school; many are already doing their part. For instance, Montgomery County, Pa's Colonial Middle School's efforts have earned it No Place for Hate status and Upper Merion Middle School has been recognized as a National School of Character. Others are implementing such highly regarded programs as Olweus, Steps to Respect, Second Step, and Bully-Proofing Your School.

And regardless of your child's situation-even if never mistreated--be sure to talk about perpetrators and victims, while also explaining that standing by and doing nothing or videotaping an incident feeds bullying behavior, carries blame, too, and is, quite simply, not an option. After all, what goes around, comes around, and the Golden Rule should always apply.

Carol is a learning specialist who worked with middle school children and their parents at the Methacton School District in Pennsylvania for more than 25 years and now supervises student teachers at Gwynedd-Mercy College. Along with the booklet, 149 Parenting School-Wise Tips: Intermediate Grades & Up, and numerous articles in such publications as Teaching Pre-K-8 and Curious Parents, she has authored three successful learning guidebooks: Getting School-Wise: A Student Guidebook, Other-Wise and School-Wise: A Parent Guidebook, and ESL Activities for Every Month of the School Year. Carol also writes for examiner.com; find her articles at http://www.examiner.com/x-6261-Montgomery-County-Wise-Parenting-Examiner For more information, go to http://www.schoolwisebooks.com or contact Carol at carol@schoolwisebooks.com.