You ugly black bugger! How dare you attempt to attack my two-by-four hovel! How dare you presume to share my abysmal, sleazy, parasitic paradise in the middle of nowhere! How dare you invade my forced solitude by actually beckoning me to rise from my messy mattress to swat you dead! And so it goes … here I lie in the midst of a Christmas/New Year’s break -- alone with the roaches -- in a strange land lacking a single friend with whom to while away the endless hours … lacking even a spare peso in my jeans … and lacking sufficient knowledge of the local lingua. In short, I am the classic portrait of abandonment with a much injured soul and fear in my heart -- what one could safely describe as a likely candidate for mental therapy. Yes, my friends, if I had a gun at my disposal … well … you can probably guess the rest. Ever heard this sort of tale before? I have. I believe I speak for a greater number of such misplaced native-speaking ESL instructors throughout the world than we care to officially acknowledge. To feel trapped by or bound to a contract you wish you had never signed is all too common these days, at least judging by the multitudinous board complaints addressing this issue. How many of us are there who have actually wandered, eyes-open, into our current state of desperation – a horrible labyrinth from which there is seemingly no escape? How many of us have wound up in an out-of-the-way camel stop with little or no money, having to depend solely upon the questionable graces of employers who, in reality, resent our alien face and alien mannerisms?

Alas, prematurely spending what little capital one brings to survive until the first paycheck is a fairly common occurrence. In fact something similar happened to me in South America some years ago when I was accompanied by my wife and 7-month-old son. To make conditions even more “perfect,” during the waiting period before my initial class I was informed that I had entered the country with the wrong passport visa! I needed same to later obtain a regular teaching license, while the school, in fact, was "not authorized" to help me aquire any type of temporary license. Sympathy from the host school? Later that jazz! Survival money from relatives and friends? No way, José! What else was I to do other than seek some type of temporary job until I could figure a way to escape from what was apparently turning out to be a mighty unfriendly country? The only job I could get was that of taxi driver, a totally different activity for yours truly, but not that departed from ESL ... only I was the student and the language was Spanish! So, with hardly any knowledge of the city and even less of the language, armed only with a strong determination for the survival of my wife, my son, and myself, I undertook to fight overwhelmingly negative odds by the only means that was at my disposal. To make a long, agonizing story mercifully brief, one day I had a fare who spoke pretty fluent English and who informed me that he was directly associated with the federal government of that country. He was kind enough to say he would personally look into my situation and, in the meantime, lined me up to teach ESL to – get this – the three children of that country's PRIME MINISTER, something which quickly led to a class of about 20-30 private students all eager to learn English and all well-funded! In time I was able to establish my own small school and save enough capital for my family to make an auspicious start back in the States.

Yes, my friends, when I felt trapped upon first discovering my contract was no go, even with a wife and child to worry about, there were actually moments when I considered suicide as the only way out. Had it not been for a measure of tenacity when the chips were down, doubtless I would have made the biggest blunder of my life, as well as cause irreparable suffering to my loved ones. So, this Christmas – be it lonely and devoid of rhyme or reason – stop before committing to drastic action of any sort. Dig deeply, for there’s always an acceptable alternative hidden somewhere. I realize reasoning power weakens when you’re hungry, but you’d be truly surprised to discover what tremendous strength you have in reserve to draw upon to assist you in making the right decision independent of your emotions. You CAN do it, my friends.

Your friend, always,

The Arrogant One