Employment Tips
So you want to lose your job the non-graceful way. It's not as easy as it sounds. After all, everyone can provoke their boss and get into a heated, irrevocably nasty argument with him or her. But to really lose a job the non-graceful way requires finesse. Of course, when we say non-graceful way, we don't mean anything that resorts to violence or wrongdoing of any kind. We've chosen three days as a comfortable time-frame.
Day One: Arrive at the office as sloppily as you can, preferably straight out out of your bed in full regalia. That is, with rumpled hair, disheveled pajamas, pillow marks on your face, droopy eyes, and the quiet but smelly insistence of someone who hasn't brushed teeth and taken a bath. Don't take coffee so you don't become fully awake. Repeatedly sing in a whispery voice the first few lines of a favorite song and nothing more. The aggravated employee nearest your cubicle is bound to complain, but you're too sleepy to care. You're getting there.
Day Two: Do the same thing as above. By this time, your co-worker would have already filed a written complaint. Treat this as a breakthrough. Now, refuse to put out any effort at work and reason out to your supervisor that you're hearing voices in your head ordering you to cease all office activity in the name of world peace and weight loss. Your boss will get the picture
Day Three: Repeat day one and two, and the annoying song too. If by this time, your boss still hasn't fired you or have the security guards escort/drag/manhandle you out, then you really must be one important asset that the company cannot afford to lose. Treat this as a good sign. Then, pretend you're possessed by evil spirits and deliriously thrash on the floor.
But, hey, wait just a minute....why do you want to quit your job in the first place? And anyway, have you already found a better job opportunity for a replacement? If not, then you should consider sticking around in the meantime that you still haven't found a new job. Sometimes, it takes a brave person to put up with something, if only to learn to be stronger.
And anyway, quitting your job the non-graceful way is probably not to the best of your advantage. After all, you still want a new job after this one, and you'll still be needing your co-worker's character reference for that. Remember that every day that you show up for at the workplace and every little thing you do leaves an imprint not just on your credentials but on you as a person, so make sure you're ready to face the consequences before doing anything unseemly.
Quitting from your job the reckless way may sound like it'll give you the hero-rebel image for your co-workers to look up to, but frankly, it's quite the opposite. At the end of the day, you know you'd much rather be professional about it, and just hand in your resignation letter and exit quietly. Now that's cool.
