I guess really it was my fault for failing to ask. It just had never been an issue so I never gave it a second thought.

The school is fine, everything else is okay just some of the rules are irritating. I did speak to a friend in Chengdu who teaches at a University and he said that there is the same rule where he is but it is generally overlooked for the odd night or so but another foreigner brought his Thai girlfriend back with him and that didn't sit very well, then she was politely asked to leave after a week.

Maybe it is the location. I am in Taiyuan, Shanxi. Its not a rural area but the provincial capital.

I did ask at the prospect of getting my own apartment and the FAO said the local PSB only permits foreigners to live in designated zones and the schools liability insurance would not allow it.

It looks like I am going to have to just accept it for now or find another job which at this point is rather futile. Just hope the other half calms down in the meantime. Another Chinese lesson learnt!