One of my all-time favourites was an English comedian named Mike Reid
He became a huge character in the long-running TV series 'Eastenders' but prior to that he was a huge success as a stand-up comedian
Sadly he died aged 59

Went into a café and ordered a breakfast
I said I wanted my bacon raw but warm
Sausages had to be cooked on the top and bottom but still frozen in the middle
Eggs had to be fried so hot that they were crusty on the bottom but still snotty on the top
Baked beans needed to be burnt at the bottom, hot in the middle and cold at the top

Oh, i'm sorry (said the owner) we don't serve breakfasts like that.......

Well you fackin did yesterday !