Pigsy and his Mummy were drinkin' cups of tea
When Pigsy said 'Hey Mommy, what DO you think of me?'
'I think you are an asshole, son,' said Mummy with a frown,
'You love to play with prostitutes, you've let the family down.'

'Prostitutes are wonderful', Pigsy said with glee.
'They're just a bit expensive, I wish they all were free!'
'Pattaya is the place for you', Mom said, so nonchalant,
'Perhaps you should go live there if that is what you want.'

'I'm afraid I'll miss your cooking, Mom', said Pigsy with a shrug,
'I'd never swap your barbecues for a hooker's plastic hug.
Why don't you come with me, I'm sure we'll have some fun?
I can f*ck and you can cook, I'm sure it CAN be done!'

'No thanks, my little sweetie', said Mummy with remorse,
'I'm quite happy where I am, but you can go, of course.'
Now Pigsy felt quite angry, and his eyes they welled with tears,
Life without his Mummy just amplified his fears.

'I really don't know what to do,' said Pigsy with a sigh,
'I really love those Asian girls, but all they do is lie.'
'Why not go to China?', said Mummy with a smile.
'You must be f*cking joking, that country's f*cking vile!

It's full of horrid women, they want money, houses, cars....
I'll NEVER live in China, I'd rather live on Mars!'
'Oh darling,' said his Mummy, 'you really are a prick..
You married one, you idiot, you really make me sick!

Asian girls are Asian girls, no matter where they're from,
they ALL want cars and houses, believe me, I'm your Mom!
You NEVER will be happy, son, no matter where you go,
but living in Pattaya will really 'do your dough'!

If you think I'll sit and watch while you destroy your life,
and screw and screw a thousand girls and never get a wife,
you're gonna wait a long, long time.... until I'm f*ckin dead,
now put away your crayons, it's nearly time for bed!'