I understand.
In my case: 23 years of studying other people's ideas and rules.
One day, in the summer of 2010, my motorcycle riding glasses became covered with dust and dead flies and because I was facing the sun, I could not easily see the potholes (I was riding in Mexico) which can be deadly. Something in me made me shed a lot of social bullshit in a few seconds, probably because I had seen cowboys do things like that in movies: I spit on my glasses and wiped them clean (reasonably clean) with the lining of my Harley jacket. And it felt so goooooood!
Fu*k other people's ideas and rules. I am going to see the potholes. I am taking full responsibility for my survival.

Turning point in my life.

I wish you one of those epiphanies as belated Christmas gift to yourself, TD.