Hi Silverboy,

I'm approaching this issue with circumspection because it's a sensitive one. As I mentioned before, I don't think student-teacher relationships are automatically wrong. A lot depends on the circumstances of the individuals involved. In the right circumstances with a relationship handled properly a teacher could still call himself a professional and conduct such a relationship.

At the same time though, even if I was a single guy, I would never personally get romantically involved with a student from my own school. No matter how discreet myself and my student partner might be, there would still be emotional problems caused by local reaction to the relationship. I think that this stress would affect my work and happiness. Some FTs(foreign teachers) CAN cope with that, though. What has to be considered here is the inevitable gossip that will ensue, because it is almost impossible for a male FT to hide a romantic relationship with a female student in China. We live in goldfish bowls as it is, and I can think of nothing else that will get the college community's tongues wagging than such a liason. You didn't mention whether you work for a public school or not. I don't think you generally get so much interference at private schools. Please note that the bulk of my China teaching experience has been in public schools so I can only really speak from that perspective.

At the last two colleges I have worked at, three of my FT colleagues went through a lot of stress because of their relationships with students in the same college that they were working in. Even if the person you mention is not your student, I don't think that would make the relationship any easier to deal with. Another teacher had a notice placed on his door in Chinese that warned students not to spend the night there. He had no idea what it said until somebody pointed it out to him. The reason I mention these things is to impress upon you the importance of proceeding with caution. Two of the student girls involved in these relationships were made to feel cheap and dirty by the leaders of certain departments who were vigorously opposed to them getting involved with foreigners. The speel went somewhere along the lines of "Foreigners are immoral. They all have many girlfriends, they are not secure, they are drifters, and so on".

I must add that two of the FTs contributed a lot to their own misery, though. One by being reckless, and the other by being much too blatantly open about his relationship. However the recent experience of the third colleague, brought home to me the realization that however discreet and modest you are, you will be found out and your names will be dragged through the mud. Remember that you also need to consider the emotional well-being of your student girlfriend, should you engage in such a union. As I said they're often made to feel dirty and cheap for getting involved with foreigners. A sad but true fact. Although the ages of college students range from 19-24 in China, they are often not mature enough to handle the conflict that ensues when the leaders "rumble" them, and get on their cases.

The school leaders claim to be protecting and helping the student when they get involved in such matters. However I find two or three things that conflict with that reasoning. Although I mentioned the students being generally challenged when it comes to maturity, surely as adult college students shouldn't they be allowed to choose their own partners? I say this because one student in my college is STILL getting pressured to end her relationship, even though the FT LEFT the school a year ago! He is no longer a teacher here, but the school is still interfering, even though she's 21 years old.

Secondly, if they really cared about the students well-being why would they continue to harass and put pressure on them, by creating internal conflict in their minds? Thirdly, they do not seem concerned when CHINESE teachers take student girlfriends, nor do they seem to object to students having relationships with Chinese men off-campus. Surely they're plenty of risks involved there too.

Because of the xenophobia that is prevalent at least in public schools in China, I think you should think very carefully about getting involved with a student, for the sake of both your's and the student's emotional well being. I think this xenophobia borders on racism, myself. All that I mentioned is only the opinion of one FT in China, of course. I am not a spokesperson for FTs in China, nor do I claim to be. I recommend that you contact as many ex-pat forums as possible and get the opinions of other FTs, too. Also, talk discreetly to as many trustworthy FTs that you can in the city or town where you are working. Get as much advice as you can so that you can make an informed decision. You have to make your own choice. Based on what I've witnessed over the last two or so years I don't think that I'm being overly dramatic.

Good luck.