Schools often seem to desire "certified" teachers. There is no accreditation, of course, so I could just buy one, right? Have some guy print one off, right? Does this certification really mean anything? If not, why do they want their teachers to have it 90% of the time? Even in subjects other than English (I've been applying to positions teaching math and physics, for example), they would desire "certification". There is no certification, I'm so confused.

Going for CELTA/DELTA is both time, location, and cost prohibitive for me. Should I simply fork out a couple hundred bucks for a 120 hour online certification course, complete it in a week, and say "Oh, yes, I am CERTIFIED"?

Logical issue 2: All positions (even at crappy schools) seem to want a minimum of 2-5 years experience. Problem - how to get those first two years? I know, I know, they hire people well below their stated "requirements", just curious about their logic in listing non-required requirements.