Yes Fish, youre right about confrontation being a multi-faceted concept. Like so many other words in the English language we need to glean the meaning from context. And yes, in the course of mediation, we must expect and indeed accept that the communication will be somewhat confrontational. But, as you know, we must be aware that confrontation can become excessive and lead to a break down in communication especially in the type of mediation that is necessitated by conflicts that have become exceedingly emotional. What often occurs in those situations is a break down in communication due to the fact that language by its very nature moves us in so many unexpected directions. We can see that as a beautiful thing in some situations, but it can be frustrating in other situations. And then there is the other very real aspect of serious communication being hampered by a difference in styles some people actually need to be more circular in their reasoning while others are more linear. The linear communicator may blame the circular communicator for always getting off track, while the circular communicator may claim that the linear one is too restricted by his or her need to always stay on point. Well, needless to say, the mediator must have a pretty clear understanding of the communicative style of the participants in the mediation.

But there are many situations where a mediator can come in handy. The kind of mediation that youve done Fish is very useful, and I think its very cool how you are incorporating that into your upper-intermediate classes. (Id love to open a new thread here that addresses ways we can move our students toward more critical thinking.) My experience with mediation, outside of being trained in inter-personal communication has only been sporadic, but Ive had some interesting experiences while doing so. Ive done a little cross-cultural mediation for example, and that experience made me even consider it as a profession. Many of my adult immigrant students in America were Asian women who had married Americans and were now experiencing the very real problem of a communication break down between them and their husbands. Not surprising really. The novelty wears off and suddenly you find yourself confronted with not only a language barrier but equally unmanageable expectations based on what youve both experienced in your own culture. So, in this situation, and others similar to it, the mediators responsibility often comes down to, Well actually, what he or she is saying here is not what you seem to be reacting to. And so we end up rephrasing or restating that which has been said in a more precise way. I think Fish, that what you would call this sort of refinement would be clarity derived from simplicity. However, just for the sake of our discussion, I would probably call it definitiveness achieved through an understanding of the complexity of the language combined with a refined vocabulary which enables the mediator to be a kind of translator. Meaning all those synaptic connections created by learning and using complex rhetoric has manifested an ability to achieve an exactness that is needed in that and other situations.

We all experience those times when we say or feel, Well I know what Im trying to say, but I just cant find the words to express my meaning. At those times, our frustration can be as the result of what were both outlining here. We cant find the clarity of simplicity, or we havent yet been exposed to the complexity. A friend of mine used to say, Well, lets take that thought one step higher. A communication teacher of mine used to say, No work being done, when he found that we were just meandering in and out of a certain topic. I think that both of these statements have profound meaning.

Another thing to consider is group dynamics. Fortunately, in most group discussions, there is always at least one person that wants to bring the discussion back to its original point. What is that persons motivation beyond the practical need to keep things on track? But, well, thats a whole other topic and speaking of meandering, thats kind of like what Im doing here just meandering and rambling. But now I must meander off to my morning classes. No, I better not meander not enough time for that. Perhaps Id better ramble. Uh, no, thats too much like saunter. Ok, maybe I better make a bee-line.

Oh one more bottom line Fish. Ive come to realize that Im not sure who I agree with more, you or me. Either way, I think we both have equal footing on this discussion, and I will for sure be a little more cognizant of my audience in the future. And one thing that Im quite sure of is that we both find it enjoyable to play with the English language. Thanks for making my brain work.