You aren't all wrong.

I can think of a couple where the foreigner's value as a human being depends on how much he earns.

It really is that simple. If he earns a lot of money she allows him to be respected. Even more money and he's a hero among men. No money means there is no reason for her to respect him. Indeed, he will get disrespected.

And this seems to be the real heart of the cultural sickness if you ask me. Chinese have no gods and no sense of philosophical or 'existential' morals or concepts. There is only matter and power.

So, a Canadian husband won't attain any respect for being friendly with her family, for putting others ahead of themselves, for opening a door to a stranger, for helping the kids learn a new game, for praying for the family or even for showing loyalty or any of those things that are meaningless 'nonsense' to a Chinese mind.

Its money. Money is power. There is nothing else but to have money and power compared to anyone else. That's as far as it goes. Its very simple. Its like an obvious objective truth to the Chinese wife.

So your Canadian friend can only be understood to be good or helpful or valued by giving hongbao. End of story. There is nothing else. In some way you can't blame the Chinese wife because she doesn't know better.