TEACHERS DISCUSSION FORUM
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#1 Parent Curious - 2017-02-09
Re: Re Streaming Eagles

Thank you, Foxy.
You said it for me.

#2 Parent Foxy - 2017-02-09
Re: Re Streaming Eagles

Fifi, it DOES certainly work that way - exactly as you described. However, I still say it goes back to 'learned behaviour'.
OK, so let's take it for granted that none of us want to grow old alone. Isn't that the fundamental reason why society looks upon us as some kind of freak if we are single?

We spend our childhood being dependent on our parents and our family, then, as soon as we are old enough to leave home, we are encouraged to find a partner with whom we can be dependent/co-dependent.

I can only speak from experience, but for most of my life I was the kind of person who hates their own company. Living alone was the stuff of nightmares. My ex-wife and I were together for 27 years, married for 25, and when it all came crashing down I was petrified.

I was one of those 'sad bastards' that joined dating sites etc, because I was too scared of being alone. (to no avail I might add)

Now, after 3 years of living alone (two years in China), I am quite happy. Now it's the thought of sharing my life with someone else that scares me. In other words, I've gone 'full circle'. I firmly believe that it's all down to peer pressure and learned behaviour. That, and being conditioned into a society that tells us we are somehow 'strange' or 'odd' if we make conscious decisions to do something a little 'outside-the-norm'.

I don't think I'm a selfish person at all, quite the opposite in fact, but having the freedom to do as I please without stopping to consider the needs, feelings, or wants of a partner, is something that I am not only enjoying right now, I'm actually relishing it.

How long that will last is anyone's guess, but remember this:-

"Loneliness is the pain of solitude; Solitude is the joy of loneliness" - Paul Fox.

In other words, it's all a matter of attitude and mindset.

#3 Parent Fifi - 2017-02-09
Re: Re Streaming Eagles

It's a matter of co-dependency.
It's well documented. There are plenty of books about that.
Co-dependents are attracted to narcissists.
The more dependent a person is, the more this person is attracted to very narcissistic people.
Very often, because of the way they are raised, co-dependents are women who are brain washed from baby-hood to wait - wait, that's the key word - for a prince charming to make them happy forever; they are taught to take care of their nails and carry purses.
Young boys on the other side, are taught to do things, to be independent, to be the ones who bring the bacon home.
I am sure you and your sister were raised that way.
I asked you once, and you did not answer.
Could you answer?

Now, once co-dependency is deeply burned in the circuits of the brain, it's not easy to get rid of it. First, a woman has to realize that she has the Cinderella Syndrome (that's one name for it). And then she needs a program, and ideally a network of friends, to get out of it, and it takes years and years. If she is in a relationship with a narcissist, she would not want to get rid of the co-dependency because as soon as she improves, the guy will feel threatened by her autonomy. In order not to lose the guy, she will chose to stay that way, Meanwhile, she will raise her daughters to be like her, co-dependent. It's a multi-generational pattern. Can you see how it works?

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