Migrant Worker
- 2010-09-12
I have a little experience in this issue as I have met some Chinese women who faced similar experiences. Here are some possibilities:
1) She feels embarassed or disgraced as you mentioned and instead of taking the blame she has chosen to conclude that it was your fault. That you got her drunk and planned out the whole thing just to get her into bed. Maybe this makes her feel stupid and like she can't trust you because you "tricked" her. I guess you should take responsibility for the night and apologize if you did anything to offend her. This may not make any change.
2) As mentioned, she wanted to frolick with a foreigner and see what it was like and had no real intentions of moving further. She just wanted a taste of experiencing a different man and that could have left her with guilt. Maybe she somehow thinks she is betraying her son too.
How is it you went on FOUR dates with her and don't even know where she lives or where she works? Do you even know her name or her son's name? What did you even talk about?
Obviously, she could have felt like things went too fast and she made a big mistake which would support number one OR she didn't want you to know this information purposely which supports the second possibility.
I am leaning towards a bit of both so it's up to you to persue her or just let it go. In my opinion, I think its quite possible for you to persue. I would suggest the tatic of being interested in her son and talking about helping her son. This way she doesn't feel like you just want to use her for sex or something if she still feelts something.
IM
- 2010-09-12
I think she has confided in her best friend, also a divorcee. I suspect that person doesn't like foreigners at all and has put her off seeing me ever again. I'm having sleepless nights thinking about a way to continue the relationship, but I hestitate to mention anything about it to my Chinese colleague who had initally introduced us! Any advice would be welcome!
It could be what many dub: has a chinese BF, just wanted a change from the little pickle and a feel of a sword.
Don't take it personally mate. Unlike us laowais, they don't really have a conscience or heart when it comes to letting go. It's as if their insides are made of cold mercury....
Nathan
- 2010-09-12
I would suggest to write her from time to time, but from my experience, her current actions/behavior are/is a foreshadowing of future unreliability. That's a big red flag. I don't know her, don't know all of the details, but I'd say that if you really like her (which it sounds like you do) write her another message, call her..try to contact her. If she continues to avoid you just move on to greener pastures my friend.
Nathan
I have never posted on a board like this about anything until now, but I need advice desperately in a matter of the heart. Ok, here goes - It all started when I was introduced to a middle-aged divorced Chinese lady who was raising a little boy. We had been introduced by a fellow Chinese colleague of mine as I had asked him to find a suitable girl friend for me, the relationship hopefully strengthening and resulting in marriage if things went well, as I need a wife. The lady I met was an accountant, and we had been seeing each other once a week for three weeks downtown when I decided to invite her to my university apartment for a home-cooked Western meal. We drank a bottle of red wine with our meal, and I could sense she was tipsy after the meal was over. As it was getting late, and the weather had changed for the worse, heavy rain, I suggested she stay over. I had already known that her little boy had gone to his grannies that weekend, so there would be no trouble re her having to return home that night. We ended up in the sack, where she proved to be a little clumsy. Nonetheless, I was fully satisfied, and crave more of the same. In the morning, she was strangely subdued. Could it have been the case that she was feeling guilty about having surrendered her honor to a foreigner on the fourth date?
I've been e-mailing her regularly since that night of passion trying to arrange another date; hopefully it would culminate in more bedroom sports, but she has been making excuses to avoid meeting me. She claims she's busy at work and is too tired afterwards to go out.
But I'm missing her a lot, I can't stop thinking about her, and our time in bed together. As I don't know where she lives or works, I can't meet her face to face. I think she has confided in her best friend, also a divorcee. I suspect that person doesn't like foreigners at all and has put her off seeing me ever again. I'm having sleepless nights thinking about a way to continue the relationship, but I hestitate to mention anything about it to my Chinese colleague who had initally introduced us! Any advice would be welcome!