Something beginning with "Hahahahahaha!"

Hi, very experienced oral English teacher looking for a teaching position in Nanning, Guangxi. I have a degree in Linguistics ( Class 2A, Hons ), International Teaching Licence, and many years teaching experience. My experience is teaching at university level, and I am very skilled and competent. I have mainly taught young Chinese women 18-22 years during my teaching career, and I have great respect for my former students. I am a former photographic fashion model, and super-confident and friendly. Surely I can bring further prestige to your institution. I also have a high degree of cultural awareness and sensitivity.

If you are in Nanning and looking for a reliable, diligent and competent English teacher, contact me soon!

contact Shaun, lifein_wuhan2007@yahoo.com.au

Oh, I haven't laughed so much this week! Just the thing I needed on a rainy afternoon!! Let's play a game of "decode" shall we?

* Very experienced oral English teacher = I can talk at students for ages.

* I have a degree in Linguistics ( Class 2A, Hons ), International Teaching Licence, and many years teaching experience = I visited a degree mill, got an online TEFL and since then have been dossing about China doing as little as possible.

* My experience is teaching at university level = I know next to nothing about teaching so I can only talk at students who have already been taught English by a real teacher. And even then I'm not too hot at vocabulary definitions.

* I am very skilled and competent. = I can even do grammar activities. Like anagrams.

* I have mainly taught young Chinese women 18-22 years during my teaching career = They're just about legal and yet still niave enough to not realise what a lecherous pervert I am.

* I have great respect for my former students. = Unless they send me pictures of handbags or necklaces.

* I am a former photographic fashion model = Well past my prime and too short for catwalk

* and super-confident and friendly. = Especially if you're one of those naive 18-22 year old female students who I'm more concerned about shagging than teaching.

* Surely I can bring further prestige to your institution. = Surely I can bring further STDs to your institution.

* I also have a high degree of cultural awareness. = I take every opportunity to criticize and condemn Chinese people for being stupid, lazy, entitled and corrupt.

*And sensitivity = I always say thank you to the prostitutes at the brothels I so often frequent.

* If you are in Nanning and looking for a reliable, diligent and competent English teacher, contact me soon! = I'm desperate for a job since the last place fired me after they realised I'd spelt unreliable (midnight flit advocate), lazy (1 lesson for 16 classes) and incompetent (I don't even know what th CEFR is!) wrong on my resume!