So you want to be a teacher overseas? More than likely, youll be forced to teach English. Youll be more likely to land a job doing that anyway. Ive tried getting jobs teaching mathematics and economics, but Ive always run into dead-ends. My schools have always wanted my white face in front of classrooms teaching English.

When I was standing where you are now, I decided to go overseas and become an ESL/ESOL teacher. I had graduated fairly recently with a bachelor's in English, so I thought I'd go for it. Besides, I hate the capitalist USA and needed an out. Being as Im no rich boy, I needed a job doing something after my escape. TESOL seemed to be the thing. I'd make that escape from America, get a job somewhere, and use my degree all at the same time. I seemed set for the next several decades.

Two years and some months later, I can say TESOL hasn't been what I wanted it to be. I'm now standing on the verge of completing my second year-long contract, and I probably will be packing it in and heading back to the USA soon.

What the hell happened? I discovered my expected role here wasnt that of teacher after all. I was expected to be first and foremost an entertainer (clown), scapegoat, patsy, walking billboard, and intellectual janitor. Oh, Im a teacher, but this is by far my most minor role. And considering I refuse to play the role of clown, Ill be packing it in soon and flying off into the sunrise. Robin Day, B.Sc., MSc., B.Ed. is correct. You may need to attend a clown college for a short while if you decide to come to Asia to teach.

Before taking my fateful plane ride to come here back in April 2004, I enrolled in a TESOL course. I did this because I didn't want to come here to be a teacher and simply "wing it". I have the degree in English, but not one credit I earned in college was in an actual 'education' class. And being as I wanted TESOL to be a potential career move, I came to Thailand and took the TESOL course "leap". I figured itd teach me something about teaching itself. Besides, it was only a month. So I went for it.

The course was pretty good, but it was way too expensive for what I got. I could have learned what I learned at the mill in a hotel room in two days. I didn't know that at the time I signed up, however. I was green and didn't know how the program measured up. While at the mill, I was exposed to some pretty cool ideas, but I rarely use those things in practice today. I think the last time I used any of my mill's techniques was about two years ago. Yeah, I should have simply checked out a TESL/TESOL book from a public library and read it thoroughly before getting on the plane. I could have come here with the knowledge from that book alone and done as well as I have done with my high-priced TESOL. Nope, I didn't need the TESOL course, come to find out. The library book alone would have been more than enough.

Anyone got a time machine I can borrow?

The one huge reality I learned immediately after landing my first job is TESOL isn't about educating ESL or ESOL students. It's about business. This part of the world is just getting a taste of capitalism, and government is retreating from its role of transferring wealth. The private sector is shouldering more and more of this burden, and one vehicle used is the private school/college/university. Its a common formula: a school claims it offers English classes taught by white-faced native speakers and the students come running with purses open. This works, at least in the here and now, because ESL/ESOL students don't really want to become fluent. They only want the piece of paper that comes on graduation day and the path to that day to be paved with leisure time. The schools cant be blamed for cheating the students, as theyre just catering to customer demand. The students are the boss in TESOL, unfortunately. We teachers are just cogs in the machine who live one day at a time trying to give the students what they want. And what they want is a "good time", not an education. If they really wanted an education, I wouldn't have students who've been going to English classes the last ten years yet still don't know the difference between "I" and "me".

If a serious teacher here tries to put something of substance between the ears of his ESOL students, it means hes working them "too" hard. Hes probably giving them more than the standard one-hour-per-week of homework than theyre used to, and those students will then more than likely bitch, moan, and avoid his classes. Some may withdraw from school completely. The hard working, serious teacher will then soon be pressured into going elsewhere because hes unpopular-a euphemism used to describe a teacher who attempts to force his apathetic students to actually learn something.

And you'll have more than just your students to contend with. On the road to their big graduation day, ESL/TESOL students, at least at the private level, want to have as relaxed a time as possible. They don't expect to WORK at becoming fluent. They only expect to get the piece of paper at the end, and get it with as little mental effort as possible. Some of these students are "connected"--their parents are high-level government or military officials, and those parents will try to make your life difficult if you force your students to study, assign homework for them to do nightly, give them "low" or failing grades, or interrupt their 'easy' lives in any other way. Yeah, if you are a serious teacher, you can be fired for simply doing your job. There's even a rumor going around in Thailand that once a farang teacher was murdered because he wouldn't pass a student who was connected to the Thai royal family. It wouldnt surprise me if true. Just like most other ESL/ESOL students here, this student had no ability. Ive seen this type of student all over. After a decade or more of "study", this typical student cant even use pronouns correctly. The farang teacher failed this student because of her lack of ability, and he paid the price for it. Yeah, her slack lifestyle in the past became this teachers' fault years later.

My ultimate "point" is this: don't expect to come to some of these places, especially those places in Asia, and be an actual TEACHER. If you want to hold down a job here, a job where your title (only) is "teacher", you will have to learn that your students will demand a good time in your classrooms, not a good education. It's all about smiles, games, and fooling your students into thinking they'll become fluent an hour a week in only one semester. Yeap, you'll probably find yourself thinking "I should have gone to a clown college instead of the TESOL program" if you come to Thailand to be a "teacher" in ANY subject.

And while I'm on the TESOL let me say this about this more or less worthless piece of paper--go cheap IF you even get it. I wouldn't get one today if I had it to do over. A TESOL means nothing, really. It doesn't make one a teacher, given students' preference for beauty sleep and fun/games over education. My bachelor's degree alone would have been fine. I wish now I would have saved the 1500 bucks I dropped at my TESOL mill and gotten SCUBA lessons instead. In many countries that pay pretty well, a TESOL isn't even required.

To close, Ill say this is all based on both my observations at the schools where Ive worked and the testimonies of my colleagues over the two years Ive been doing this. I know there are SOME schools in Asia that have serious students. These students will perform if your bear down on them. Theyre motivated, will work hard, and really want to learn English. But these students are rare. Getting jobs at their schools is tough, and usually these positions require (real) masters degrees. At these schools, you really WILL be a teacher. At most other schools, youd better be ready to play the clown role, as most ESL/ESOL students I've seen dont care one iota about English. If youre not ready for this reality, youll be playing hippity-hop from job to job or soon be on a plane going home. Its up to you to decide if you want to play the TESOL game or not.