Now who is getting all advanced and mind-boggling?

How can you 'Google' in China when Google isn't available without a VPN and you need a VPN in order to download a VPN in the first place?

Quite right but 'google it' has become an expression like 'hoover it' "Hoover up that mess you Chinese Hussy because up with this I will not put!" She certainly won't exclaim, before you box her ears again "I can't because we don't have any hoovers in China, only vacuum cleaners!