Well 'wai-fickn-ai-fickn-bonnie-fickn-lad !'

Will I be up to teaching IELTS tomorrow when I don't
really know what it is?

That's a rhetorical question, but I doubt you know the meaning of that. It's at times like this that I wish there were a god, because he could certainly be of some help after reading your post.

You'll be taking up employment at some reputable training centre then?

Don't worry about IELTS, they don't know what it is either!