Ever since I arrived at my senior middle school here near X'ian, I've been trying to forge a serious relationship with a Chinese lady teacher, alas to no avail to date. They either say they're too busy to accept my dinner invite or pretend they don't know what I said. I know they're not speaking the truth in the latter case because thereafter it's painfully apparent they try to dodge me. I'm a white Aussie bloke.

Chasing Chinese teachers is more often a hiding to nothing, forget about them; however, you must have a wealth of nineteen, twenty year old students who would value extra oral English lessons in your spare time. It might well be against what it says in your contract about dating students but you're a beer-swilling, no -worries Aussie for God's sake, and rules, grist for the mill for you to be broken.

First thing to do is to get yourself a QQ account. If you don't know how announce it to your class and they'll be falling over each other to get your QQ number. Next step get yourself a gimmick, for instance you can start cooking tasty pies or dumplings. Put your QQ number up on the blackboard and start communicating with students (and teachers if you like) Next invite them to your flat to try your tasty dumplings-they will usually come with a friend-so, it's up to you when you find one you like, when she says she would like to revisit, you say "okay but don't bring a friend because I really like you and have something to talk to you about. When she appears you should give her a big sloppy kiss. At that stage she might take flight...just move on to a different student-but she may change her mind at a later stage. The funny thing about Chinese studentesses is, they may well complain if you do or don't follow the course book in class but never complain if you want to bed them, even if they refuse your kindly offer. You won't be the first FT to find yourself a wife or just a girlfriend like this. My American mate is over sixty, well over, and he always has a university student girlfriend- Senior middle students are nice too.