Here are the real interview questions I would ask if I were the DOS, as this would actually give the teacher a legitimate look at what "schools" in china have to offer. I do understand that I would have to be injected with a truth-telling drug, but no matter:

1. What are the most important traits on being a grovelling weasel?

2. To what lengths would you go to make sure your lips were pout enough to kiss the @$$ of the owner of the "school"? Would you take injections?

3. How many times can you spin around on your head while in your underwear while whooping and hollering like an ape on crack while also balancing a red pool ball on your nose and juggling 4 cabbage patch dolls at the same time?

4. Tell me, what does a hamster running on a wheel have in common with this job?

5. Do you know how perfect china is? Explain by listing at least 94342310099 examples. That or until you pass out from exhaustion, doesn't matter.

6. Would you be comfortable working in an environment where the lies were truths, and the truths lies?

7. If you have a girlfriend, would you be willing to bring her in for the owner to grope/sexually harass/keep as a third mistress?

8. Are you comfortable with coming home to your apartment, finding random cigarette butts on the floor as well as open drawers and be wiling to forget it all, even though it might have been a burglar who was in your house? We do conduct random, unannounced visits to your apartment while you are out just for S&G* and we expect you to turn a blind eye to it. Actually with these seemingly inconvenient but conveniently placed communication traps/black holes for the teacher to put up with is expected fully by the owners/dos's/faos/teaching assistans (people sent to spy on the teacher) to be honored across all spectrums of the job. It's the beauty of living in a peaceful and socialistic society, where everyone is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!

9. Let me tell you that china is not socially oppressive at all. Our boss knows everything, everything that is good for everyone. So when he/she does something such as yelling at you, deducting your salary for no good reason, changing your schedule on a whim, and being a general F$%$tard to everyone you must be willing to know that it is completely your responsibility to change your own behavior and do a better job at keeping the great boss happy. Are you down with that?

Now that we are done with the interview, do you know that you have a 20 minute demonstration class? Oh you didn't know? Don't worry! We have teaching materials from the best educational bodies in the world! Never heard of them? Why that's because you don't go out enough my dear chap! Let me get you some water, oh wait I forgot our "school" hasn't sent anyone to replace the water container on the water machine for a whole week and we don't have any water here! Oh did I tell you that you're not getting reimbursed for your airplane ticket here because our school is cutting the budget? I guess the boss is losing money, well at least he got a nice, new car! It's so beautiful! You did see the porsche parked in front of our school, right?

Index: S&N means s#$@s and giggles.