Ah, TEFL teaching. That thankless job some of you have undertaken to 'help' students in some of the 'misforunate' countries of the world learn English. To you, I just want to say 'Thanks!'

You see, your efforts make it easy for me and my cohorts in corporate America to establish our empirical reign over all the resources of this important region. While you brave 100+ degree heat in classrooms all over Asia in vain attempts to teach 30+ students at a time to speak this enigmatic language called English, I make a killing. And so do all my friends on Wall Street.

Yes, thanks to you, your students will someday grow up to be just what we're looking for to fill those shoemaking factories in Bangkok, or those T-shirt factories in Kunming. Your efforts will get them just fluent enough to land such jobs, but not too fluent to demand something higher on the foodchain.
We don't need thinkers. We need workers. But, we need workers who can read. No, we don't need illiterate workers cutting their own hands off in cutting machines or starting fires that burn down our sweatshops, with the workers still inside. No. We don't need this.

Thanks to our directive to the providers of TEFL programs everywhere, i.e. accreditation, we lure you, the unknowing TEFL 'teacher-to-be' to Asia with some grand idea of virtue. You think you're coming as an 'ambassador' for some noble cause such as the Peace Corps. Yes, you are ambassadors....ambassadors in a con game that will allow us to exploit the Asian for our benefit. Yes. We thank you, TEFL teachers. From the bottom of our hearts. To show our appreciation, we have decided to offer pairs of Nike sneakers valued normally at 129.99 USD to all TEFL teachers for 50 cents off! Don't pass up this incredible deal.

Again, thank you.

Gordon