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Clyde - 2012-07-27
In response to Re: moral dilemma? (Magister)

Magister, I will have to disagree with you thoroughly, as well as the argument you put forward.

Firstly young Chinese men and women are not as naive and inexperienced as they might first appear.

As someone who has lived and taught in China for nearly 5 years, and taught countless university students, I can tell you that they are much more naive than their Western counterparts, and exceptions to that are just that, exceptions. Contrary to your assertion, they can also be much more naive and inexperienced than they first appear. In general, nobody I have ever met who has had significant experience teaching university students in China honestly maintains that they are NOT more sheltered and inexperienced than their Western counterparts.


You'd also be wrong to believe that the girl in question doesn't know exactly what she is doing. It seems strange that earlier in the week you wrote about the power plays that occur between fts and Chinese management yet you seem unwilling to see the way this often works between Chinese women and men (both foreign & local). Who is say that the girl isn't looking for a visa, a credit card or just wants to experiment with a foreigner.

There is not contraction in my criticisms of leaders for misusing power, and my criticisms of foreign teachers for taking advantage of their position as teachers to take advantage of students. It is one and the same criticism. You boldly assert the 21 year old girl knows exactly what she's doing, but you have no evidence for your assertion. Therefore I will counter it by boldly asserting she has not idea whatsoever what she is getting into. You say that I seem "unwilling" to see that the Chinese "women" may be trying to use the man in question. We are not talking about "women". Let's not generalize it to the extent that it's a Chinese woman and a Western Man. It is a Chinese student who is only 21, and a Western teacher who is more than double her age. You are trying to play with words to make it sound like they are equal, but I am dealing with the reality of the situation. We are NOT talking about Chinese women, we are talking about a "barely legal" student. Let's not kid ourselves and try to use semantics to justify a totally inappropriate relationship.

Instead he's waited until he's sure he likes the girl and she likes him and is then asking advice on the situation.

It doesn't matter if he likes her and she likes him. It wouldn't matter if she was a high-school student, and it still doesn't matter when she's a 21 year old university student. Of course he likes here. Duh! And if it weren't her it could be any of dozens of others. Let's not kid ourselves here. The girl in question is irrelevant. He likes his students in a sexual way (Surprise!) and is asking permission from other people who he probably suspects have already broken this taboo to support him. Really, do ya think after that relationship inevitably ends he won't go after another one? Do ya think?


I fail to see anywhere in your argument what it is about this particular situation that is immoral.

Yes you failed to see it, which doesn't mean I didn't make it perfectly obvious. Please allow me to spell it out for you again. Teachers are entrusted to TEACH students, not go with them to KTV and cuddle with them and kiss them and then say that the girl is "driving [him] crazy" and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold out. Universities in California generally forbid relationships between teachers and students BECAUSE of the unequal power relationship. And then, in this instance, we have 23 year difference in age. I've worked with teachers who have dated their students, and in the case of one of them the students were all under aged (that was a training school). Bother were irresponsible teachers, and selfish. I'm sure you'd agree it's not appropriate to date under-aged students, yes? I thought so. But tack on one or two years and it's a perfectly consensual relationship between adults, is it. It's that black and white? Why, it could even hinge on a birthday.

Let's be realistic, we aren't talking about some great romance here, or some marriage of true minds. The OP didn't mention anything like that. He only said she turned him on.

The naked questions is: is it OK to sleep with my students. And the answer is, No, it's not. It's that simple. Anything else is bullshit middle-aged men are telling themselves because sleeping with girls half their age (which they could never do back home) is so titillating.

Given that he's already worked at the university a year before the situation has arisen it tends to weaken your arguement that he is simply shooting fish in a barrel or that he has no self control

No it doesn't. He has already within that year gone to KTV with students and kissed at least one of them there. That is inappropriate behavior for a teacher, and kissing a student shows no self control. In fact, he'd probably say something like, "I couldn't control myself."

To quote Karl Kraus "Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow". As Kraus was suggesting it hardly seems a realistic expectation to live like this .............
Ah, so now we are admitting this is about lust. Are you suggesting that it's OK to lust after students and act on it, and then feel remorse later or never?

Argue this one: Go find a real woman outside of the university if you are worthy of having one, and leave the students alone. I'm not being a prude. I've had some hot steamy sex with willing Chinese women, and of course I am attracted to some of my students (and they to me), but I would NOT take advantage of students. Further, while they are attractive in their way, they are really too young for me. I would prefer someone who is actually a real adult, not just someone who has always lived with mommy up until a year ago and now lives in a dormitory at school but is technically by age an adult. I was there to protect them, in all ways, not take advantage of them.

Don't try and say I'm using Christian morals. Bullshit. I'm not Christian. I'm using logic, and maybe the Golden Rule ("Do on to others" or in this case "Do onto other's daughters"), and being very practical and reasonable. If you can't meet a woman outside the university there's probably something wrong with you, in which case you are definitely not doing your students any favors by dating them. If you CAN find a woman outside the university, than leave your students the hell alone.

Messages In This Thread
moral dilemma? -- Romeo -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-08-02
Re: moral dilemma? - A Chinese Reaction? -- Magister -- 2012-08-02
Re: moral dilemma? - A Chinese Reaction? -- tianjindave -- 2012-08-03
Re: moral dilemma? - A Chinese Reaction? -- Clyde -- 2012-08-02
Re: moral dilemma? - A Chinese Reaction? -- Magister -- 2012-08-03
Re: moral dilemma? -- Ted -- 2012-08-02
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-08-02
I quit -- Clyde -- 2012-07-29
Re: I quit -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-29
Re: I quit -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-29
Re: I quit -- Clyde -- 2012-08-02
Re: I quit -- Dragonized -- 2012-08-03
Summation of the debate. -- Clyde -- 2012-07-29
Re: Summation of the debate. -- San Migs -- 2012-07-29
Re: Summation of the debate. -- Terry -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Iconkiller -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- San Migs -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? IT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!! -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? IT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!! -- San Migs -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? IT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!! -- Clyde -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? IT IS AGAINST THE LAW!!! -- San Migs -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- mark -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- San Migs -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Cupid -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Maxi -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Terry -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Foreign Sexpert in Northern China -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Terry -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-29
Re: moral dilemma? -- Terry -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- IMHO -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Cupid -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Magister -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Dragonized -- 2012-07-28
Re: moral dilemma? -- Terry -- 2012-07-27
Re: moral dilemma? -- Clyde -- 2012-07-28
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