Asking her parents means asking someone for whom the girl in question is precious. He would be scared shitless to face them, and I am just reminding him of that context of how her family would feel.

As i mentioned in a previous post I’m married to a local. Her father is very unhappy about the situation but for no more reason than he doesn't like foreigners and he doesn't like the fact that his daughter is doing something independently of him. I don't fear her father precisely because i know my wife and I love each other and this is far more important than any of the ridiculous accusations made against me which i know to have no substance and come from a place of complete ignorance on his part. Of course, it's not easy on my wife to have to hear the kind of things that her father comes up with (it’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry sometimes!) and i think it is good advice to consider the problems that might occur in a mixed race relationship including the reaction of the families. However, surely the most important thing is to be on sure ground in regards how you feel about each other. If the OP is serious about this relationship then that would be my genuine advice on the matter.

I never said that, though, did I? That's why you are finding an inconsistency. You made up a position, attributed it to me, and then stated it was inconsistent with what I actually said. See the paragraph above about being facetious. Who ever said a 21 year old woman can't make any decision for herself

I disagree. All along you've used terms such as 'naive', 'innocent', 'sheltered', 'inexperienced', 'has no idea what she is getting into', 'too young' and 'not an adult' to describe the girl in question. You then claimed she should seek her parent’s permission later stating this was both a serious piece of advice while at the same time being facetious. It sounds to me like your trying to back track on your original claims. Whatever the case, i'm glad that you now agree that she is old enough to make her own decision as to whether to enter into a relationship with this man.

In regards the legal aspects that you have raised, i would actually go one further and say that you could find that a relationship between a teacher and their student could have legal ramifications even if there is no law against a teacher actually sleeping with a student who is over the age of consent (as in Ohio). If it could be shown that a teacher gave a student with whom they were having a relationship better marks while being unfair in some way with the marking of students they weren't in a relationship with then you might well find that those other students could bring a legal case against the teacher. Of course in this case the individual in question is not the girl’s teacher and therefore not responsible for grading her. Equally, we are not in Ohio so there seems very little chance of having to answer to the law in this specific situation.

Yes, I was joking, but also serious. Of course, the OP wouldn't tell his FAO. The reason is because he knows damned well that it's against the rules, and the FAO would be pissed and tell him so. One needs to acknowledge that one is going against the code of conduct of the university where he is employed. I worked at a UNI in China where a Chinese teacher was dating a student, and my FAO said he was a "very bad person". Point is that the OP would be petrified to face the FAO or the girl's parents.

Thank you for sharing your experience of your FAO’s reaction and i hope that the OP takes this on board before entering into the relationship. Going back to my original post on this thread i made it quite clear that the OP shouldn't rub any such relationship in the faces of the university management. For me that includes avoiding things like public displays of affection, bragging to other staff about their conquests and entering into multiple relationships with a string of young women at the university. All of these could well cause problems for the university and as you well know a school or university will quickly give you the chop if the problems you cause (not just in regards relationships with students) outweigh their perceived value of you. I also made it clear in my original post that if you find yourself in a position where the university is not happy with your performance (as you’ve previously stated such a judgment is often difficult to define in academic terms) then starting up relationships with students which is almost certainly a breach of the code of conduct would be a risky thing to do and could easily be used as a precursor to your dismissal.

However, you're wrong to think that all FAOs would take the same view as in the example you stated. I worked at a university where the year before I arrived a 60+ year old American male had been notorious for having a string of students spend the night in his apartment and he wasn’t fired. The FAO is person who actually told me this story. When I asked him why he wasn’t fired he said the powers that be didn’t care!

In my experience, both personal and from what i have observered of others, it is possible for FTs to carry on a relationship with a student or peer (granted the situation of an FT with an LT isn't quite the same but it is still often written into the code of conduct at schools that such relationships are forbidden) so long as they keep it quiet. Invariably people will discover the relationship but if it's 6, 8, 10 months down the line and in all that time during which the FAO and others were in the dark there was no problem with your work or relationships with others then they (FAOs etc.) tend to be far less worried that something will suddenly happen to cause embarrassment.

Is it a "speculation" or a "claim"?

Yes it is when you’re talking about the character of the individuals involved and their intentions. You’ve painted a picture of this man as being a sexual predator unable to get a girlfriend elsewhere because he is a charmless slob, whereas the girl represents an innocent, pure, naïve young thing that’s been caught in a web of lies and deceit. Of course it’s convenient for your argument to make such assumptions but you have no facts to back this up with. Furthermore, I notice that in another post ‘summation of the debate’ you’ve claimed that the posters who you have taken on (I assume that includes me) are all “middle-aged or older men” & described as “sexpats”. I would say I’m still a few years away from being classed as "middle aged" and I’ve never slept with any of my students but there again it suits your cause to be able to label people in this way.

It’s a shame that in that same post (summation of the debate) you have to claim that you’ve won the argument. As the poster Dragonized pointed out in an earlier post it seemed that you’d set out with the express intention of beating other individual posters. Surely the point was to give the OP some advice on his situation. I think if he has been reading this thread then he has a lot of food for thought, albeit that he might have to pick through a few of the less helpful and petty posts aimed at individuals as opposed to the topic at hand. Anyway I hope that you’ll remain posting on this board (I saw you had suggested on a different thread that you wouldn’t continue) because it’s not a bad thing to have alternative views to various situations. Having said that I feel that you are right to state that in the case of this thread it is fairly pointless to keep going around in circles and looking to land that knockout blow.