Cunninglinguist wrote:

However, apart from Romeo (Ricky) and let's call the young Chinese woman Juliet, not one person writing here will be directly affected by the decision they make.

If I thought that were true I wouldn't bother, but I think people will read this stuff, and some poster are actually encouraging teachers to "bonk" their students. Some men may even feel that if they don't bonk a student, they are less of a man. I think you know how common this problem is, and every place I've worked has had scandals involving men dating students (including teenagers). We've all doubtlessly heard stories from others, I can think of one where a serial rapist of students was finally fired after a student escaped his apartment screaming and putting her clothes on. Therefor, I think the mindless goading of people to fuck students is so reprehensible that it is worthy of squashing.

Attempts have been made by both sides to define "morality"

This isn't about some Platonic form out in the ether, we're talking about actions which are "felonies" in the West, and about teacher/student relationships, all of which has been hammered out very thoughtfully and carefully, and the conclusions are practical and sound. By your argument, one could say that question of wife beating or incest or pedophilia could be mere philosophical quandaries of vague notions of morality. We know child abuse is wrong, and we don't need to consult Wittgenstein about it. Most of us (except sexpats living in their own bubbles of delusion), also know that teachers fucking students is wrong.

On teacher-student romantic relationships, there will always be a tacit acceptance that there may be an element of abuse of power.

Do you think you could water that down anymore? Oh, dear, "In regards to axe-murderer, there will always be a general agreement among the cognoscenti that perhaps they'd stepped somewhat out of the bounds of polite society." This is not new stuff anymore, shit, 6 years ago in Texas it became a punishable felony of up to 20 years to have sex with students.

There's far too much of an image being presented of those who may be in this situation being Western peverts - old men, slobs etc.

Well, when one of them goes around boasting that he is "liberating Chinese women sexually" I think the antidote may need to be as strong as the venom. Besides which, having lived in Asia for 6 years and in 3 different countries, I've seen for my own eyes that this is the general trend. It's usually older guys, a bit shabby, who are the ones going to Asia for sex or boasting about having sex with Asian girls. Of course there are exceptions, but, I think you've probably noticed the same trend yourself.

I wonder if the indignation would have been less if say the age difference was only 5 years. I don't say this flippantly because I supect there would more more tolerance due to the prospect of meeting the parents and a future marriage. In that case, how they got together becomes an irrelevance but provides the conundrum.

Interestingly, and I think appropriately, some laws have larger punishments for age differences of more than 4 years. I don't think anyone would have any trouble seeing how a 26 year old teacher could fall for a 22 year old student. So, yes, when the difference is more than 4 years, there is a bigger problem. That's pretty obvious. We can try to sound like we are all accepting by saying there's nothing wrong with a 70 year old man sleeping with a 21 year old student, but we know it's weird (even if the old bugger really, really wants it to be OK).

We have in the debate those that say go ahead, those who urge caution, and the view that it is always morally wrong because of the nature of the relationship. So there will be no common ground, and Romeo is still left with his dilemma - which is how it should be.

What you are saying is like saying: "We have some people who believe that the world is flat, and others who are certain it is round, while the geographers and astronomers say it's an 'oblate spheroid'. And thus, with no agreement in sight, we are at a loss as to what the shape of the Earth is, finally leaving it as it should be, up to children to decide for themselves."

Guess what? The jury isn't out on this. This has already been decided just as it's been decided that it's wrong to beat your wife or kids. That's why it's against the "code of conduct" of ANY educational institution in the West, and is against the law in most places (if the student in under 18) and in some regardless of the age of the student. Do some research. This isn't just a matter of surmising in the smoking chair, and making a gentle, milquetoast conclusion that sounds vaguely wise but is actually, in it's spinelessness, allowing teachers to go on taking advantage of their students in stark violation of the code of conduct, and in many places, the law.

In British English we have a saying: " Don't shit on your own doorstep."

That applies to dating coworkers, not dating students. You can be forgiven for somehow being apparently oblivious to the laws pertaining to this particular violation of trust, and social norms. Now that I think you are probably fully aware that it is NOT something that's just left to opinion, but is a serious crime, and would certainly lose one one's job, I hope you can see that it's not just up to Romeo as an issue with minor moral misgivings.