That is always the middle ground to look for between "face" and "shame." Chinese people take this face thing so deeply as to prevent them from doing the right thing or even apologizing for things they do.

Some western people, though, seem to be lacking in a little "shame" themselves with some of the stuff they do in China.

Where I grew up I was told to do the right thing. In China this means losing a face, but when I do something wrong I do try to apologize and admit to it. The first year I was in China my F.A.O. asked me if a had a second job in town. A competing private school had called my public school to inform them of my other job with a rival. An English teacher asked me about it and I said, "Yes, I do have a second job." You should have seen his face of shock that I admitted to it without trying to lie and save face.

My present girlfriend has some physical maladies with her hands that she can't use them too well. Chinese men would not date her for fear of losing face, or just the inconvenience. I have no "face" here, so I can do that type of stuff.