Application as a Foreign Deecher to Taizhou Bilingual School

Hi you bastards,
it would be such a fun to work with you, and I have therefore decided to apply for a job as an English Deecher at your highly esteemed school.

I am a former pimp, and since the police have arrested all my business ladies, I am currently jobless and want to work as an English Deecher, not a teacher, at your school in China. I am the best qualified person for the job, and you wouldn’t find any better and more suitable candidate for this position. I will make your school a madhouse, introduce table-dancing and will make your students and the Chinese teachers act like white and other monkeys in a muppet show.
I expect to teach 4 classes a week and will require a salary of 45,000 RMB/month for my services rendered to your school, a luxury apartment of Western standards where a pimp like me can live, and a lake near my house where I can leave my pets - four big, fat and nasty crocodile ladies.

Please also do not hesitate to send me a flying carpet so that I can arrive at your school in China on time and will not miss any classes - acting in class like a white monkey is so much fun!

See you soon,
The Piccadelly Circus Pimp