My wife left me and I think I understand why.

After I retired, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking Scotch.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a quart on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from
grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for makeup.

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up Scotch and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the Scotch was for!"

I don't think she'll be back.