Steps to Self Acceptance

Everyone talks about happiness coming from within but until you can accept what you see on the outside you will never control the thoughts from within. It is kind of like, what came first, the chicken or the egg?

Women are particularly self critical when it comes to how we and others should look. Heck if it isn't bad enough we criticize ourselves we will turn it on others in an attempt to make our inner voices less daunting and possibly gain some pleasure at someone else's expense.

I am not promoting the peace, love, freedom and self acceptance of the 60's. However I do believe we feel better about ourselves when we accept what we have and realize we can control what we see, regardless of whether "What not to wear" would catch us in a baggy pair of sweats at the supermarket, or wearing an outdated T-shirt when we are out for a run, how we perceive ourselves determines our true beauty and our general outlook on life.

When I get up for work and know I am greeting the public, I put on my face, hair and professional attire which makes me feel prepared to greet the world and feel good. That doesn't mean that I didn't worry about the scars on my bottom lip, or the added wrinkles around my eyes or mouth, the nose that has always been too big or the chest that is too small and the waist that was "just like my brothers." No one will know these insecurities, unless I tell them. I have trained myself to see the passion and enthusiasm in my personality so what others see, is what I see. By all accounts, I probably have a few hundred women who look up to me as I run my own fitness club, have competed in figure and bodybuilding competitions, own a beautiful large acreage home with my husband, which allows us both room to store our summer corvettes, as we look forward each year to spending our winters in Hawaii. Sounds like I have nothing to worry or complain about, right? However I am human and the self doubts periodically creep in, so what I want to share is my steps for self acceptance, and just maybe it may help someone else out there gain a little peace, love and freedom.

1. Set your morning alarm just 5 minutes earlier so you don't feel the panic to get things done quickly and over react to mascara that clumps, eyeshadow that smudges, horrible bed head, or the unforeseen hole in your top. Stress creates negative thoughts which leads to self doubt and inward reflection. We immediately start to beat ourselves up for forgetting that there was no coffee, or you needed to get gas and of course that accident would have to be today of all days. "How could I be so stupid?" is not a great way to start your thoughts for the day. Try and create a stress free environment to start your day and things will just seem to go a whole lot smoother and you will automatically feel smarter and more attractive.

2. Always be the first one to say hello when you walk into a room so others will notice your enthusiasm and energy. What you are wearing, your hair, your makeup becomes unimportant as people will just be happy to see you regardless of any of those things. The smiles you get back are bigger than any compliments you would ever receive. When people say they like being around you, that is better than perfect white teeth or wearing a size two.

3. Believe something good is going to happen when things are going bad. Why do things have to happen in threes, one disappointment is enough for me. You can turn your day around immediately by telling yourself, "Damn I must be good as God is testing me and I am rising to the occasion and something good is going to happen next, I just know it, things always work out." Some how even the most gravest tragedies subside in time so little blips in the road should never make you doubt your worth or beauty. The Universe's challenges are a testament to your strength of character. When things are piling up remember, "Damn I must be good, as God only gives us as much as we can handle, and look at how much He thinks of me."

4. When stressing over what to wear choose what is comfortable because no one remembers what anyone wore last time, other than the girl who was falling out of her top, the gentleman who took his tie off and wore it as a headband, the woman who went barefoot because her high heels gave her blisters but everyone else was comfortable, what did they wear? We always feel our best when we are comfortable. Whether it is pants, a skirt, or a dress, if we are comfortable in the environment, our cares melt away, and our true beauty shines through in our personality.

5. Tell yourself stories daily about your own life and recall how well you handled a situation, the confidence you felt, the warmth of the smile that you felt on the inside. I am certain there is at least a few occasions when you could pat yourself on the back, go ahead and do it generously, in your own mind there is no limit to the boosting. When we take pride in our successes we see ourselves in a whole new light, stronger, wiser and more appealing to other.

These five steps have changed my life from being a shy, self conscious, socially awkward university student to a successful business woman who is excited to approach each day and try something new that might even put me in the spot light and cause me some embarrassment. Life is great when you chose to accept the outside and welcome it in!

Val Keats
High NRG Ladies Health and Fitness, Inc.
vkeats(AT)shaw.ca