If you are not yet an adult you may not have to take responsibility yet for your living situation or the current conditions under which you live. You have to take responsibility for your grades, your sporting activities, who you hang out with, what you do with your time and your own job if you have one. You will have to take complete responsibility for all your actions and your current situations when you do get out there.

Guess what? Many adults do not take responsibility for anything they have done or that happens to them. People in their 20's, 30's, and 40's and so on, spend their lives blaming someone or something else for what they are currently going through.

- It's their mom's fault that they are fearful of taking risks.

- It's their dad's fault for not being around.

- It's their wife's fault that they are always broke.

- It's their kid's fault for being born and not allowing them to live their dreams.

- It's the economy's fault they can't get a job.

- It's the bully's fault in school because they have a low self esteem.

Do you get the point? It is everyone else's fault but their own. That is why they never fix their situations and spend the rest of their lives complaining and blaming. As long as they can blame somebody or something else they don't have to do anything to fix their problems. It is too hard to take responsibility. To accept that you screwed something up is painful.

In order to be successful in life and to live a happy life, you have to admit to yourself that you are responsible for what you have in life. You are saying to yourself, "No way!"
"There are a lot of things I cannot take responsibility for":

- A tornado hit my house.

- A drunk driver killed a family member.

- My parent was abusive.

- I never knew my parents.

- I had to be in a gang to survive.

- It's not my fault I was born with a deformity.

All of the above are obviously things that you could not control. What you can control are your reactions to those situations. Yes you can mourn. Yes you can feel sad. Yes you can feel angry. You have to realize that sometime in your life if you don't want to live in misery then you must learn to accept what has happened and take charge of your behavior and actions. Two siblings in the same abusive household can have two very different reactions to the way they grew up. One sibling may be abusive and hateful to the world. The other sibling may never want to hurt anyone and actually want to help others escape abuse themselves.

I once worked with a guy from Cambodia that had escaped Cambodia during the years of rein of Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge. During this time more than 1.7 million Cambodians were killed by execution or starvation. My friend and his brother watched their parents executed in front of them. One time at work he took off his shirt to change from his uniform and his back had scars and burns. Of course someone asked him about his marks and he told us that he was tortured as a little kid by having lit cigars burned into his skin. He and others were forced to lie on beds of nails which left permanent indentations. He was one of the lucky ones to survive the ordeal and get adopted by an American family. Did he spend his time whining about his horrible situation? No! He was one of the happiest guys I knew. He had two full time jobs, a nice car and a house. He never complained at work and was always making jokes and laughing with his co-workers. He could not control his situation but he could control his reaction to the world.

There is always someone who has it worse than you. There is always someone who has defied bigger odds. We as humans just have the tendency to magnify whatever we have gone through and make it bigger than it is. Some of you have gone through things that I cannot even imagine, but if you look around there is always an example of someone who has gone through worse situations and is still doing great in their adult life. Blame and frustration will not get you anywhere. Taking responsibility in your adult life is the only way to have control over the outcomes.

I can't control the economy or current real estate prices. When my real estate investments and income disintegrated, it was my first response to complain about the uncontrollable circumstances that were happening to me. It wasn't my fault it was the lenders, it wasn't my fault it was the Government's lack of response, it wasn't my fault because the same thing was happening to a lot of people. I had to analyze the situation after a while and realize that there were things I could not control but there were things I could have.

A. I could have diversified my money into other investments.

B. I could have saved more money when I was making it.

C. I could have incurred less consumer debt during the boom time.

When I realized I could have lessened the effect of the economic downturn, it still didn't put me in a better position. Maybe next time everything looks perfect, I will probably take more precautions in investing and spending habits. After that, I have to control my attitude about the circumstances and try to find "the blessing in disguise". For me, it was that I was so wrapped up in making good money in the real estate game, that I was truly neglecting my passion of training and writing. Once I discovered this, I got back on track and got back to my true calling. No more whining and no more complaining about losses. I only can visualize what the future will look like when I am truly living on purpose. I can do daily tasks that are organized around my purpose and push through until I have reached certain attainable goals.

Whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself for some setback, you should try to remember my friend and other people who truly have gone through great suffering. I think about the people that despite adversity are triumphant and positive. Once you focus on them, your "problems" often seem small in comparison. Once you can realize and accept that it was your action or lack of action that got you into the situation, you can actually have power and own it. It is from this power that true change and understanding is made. Next time something is looking gloom and you feel yourself in blame mode, stop. Take responsibility for your part in the situation and learn from your mistakes. Once you have done this, create solutions and take action. Now you are truly empowered.

Donn Kirst- Customer Loyalty Trainer, Leadership Trainer, - Aston Jacobs Inc. 702-287-2894. Teenage Motivator

http://www.astonjacobsinc.com