Leigh Sanders said, “Listen for your song, and join in the dance. Live in the center of your truth and find the bliss of always being enough.” Remember that you are a one of kind work of art, with a special song to sing and jig to dance. Find your center, know that you are enough, and you will find the love you are so desperately seeking. All kinds of love (friend, familial, and romantic) starts and ends with self-love. When you love yourself, you can enter and exit from relationships with ease and grace. With a healthy dose of love for “self,” you will find that when you are in love with someone else, you are more fully present. And when you are out of love with someone, you remain grounded.

The famous pyschotherapist Erich Fromm says, “If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself, if he can only love others, he cannot love at all.” Having love for yourself empowers you to love more freely and with more intensity. You can only give to others what you have yourself. So, if you want people to love you and treat you with respect, give it to yourself first.

As human beings, we have many needs that are important to us, which is perfectly normal. Needs are natural and when they are met in a healthy and balanced way, we are most happy. The problem comes up when we look to others to get those needs met. We are often unconscious of our neediest needs! But other people can usually spot them a mile away, and instead of giving us what we want, they tend to do the opposite! Such is the nature of needs. They scare people away instead of drawing them to us.

Emotionally needy people are not much fun to be around---they will manipulate, dominate, and finesse others to try to get what they want. And when others turn away, they get angry, blaming or striking out at them. You have probably done this a time or two—who hasn’t! However, this frustrating cycle can go on for a lifetime until you make a conscious decision to change.

When you learn how to meet your own needs, you become free. You are more open and receptive, more loving and much more attractive to other people. The first step is to be able to identify what your needs are, and begin the process of meeting them once and for all. Once you have done your own inner work, you will notice that people respond to you much more to your liking.

Read the list and circle the 3 most important needs you have:

Do you want to feel?

Loved
Cherished
Admired
Smart
Authoritative
Creative
Important
Valued
Beautiful
Successful
Adored
Respected
Confident
In control
Seen
Connected
Unique
Validated
Recognized
Desireable
Secure
Prosperous
Healthy
Wealthy
Appreciated
Praised

Think of your three top needs and how you typically get them met. How much time do you wait for others to give you what you need? How often does that approach work---very rarely, right? There is a better way: love yourself more. When you love yourself, your emotional energy vibrates “cleaner” and at a higher frequency.

What follows are 8 ways to love yourself more:

1). Accept Your Whole Self
Accept your greatness and your limitations. You are a vital and vibrant human being, start feeling good about yourself just the way you are right now!

2). Believe in Yourself
Be confident in yourself and your talents/abilities. Have faith that the universe will provide and that your needs will ultimately be met for the highest good.

3). Consider Yourself
Reflect about your likes, dislikes, what you want and don’t want. You deserve to have the best relationships, career, and lifestyle.

4). Discover Yourself
Learn about your personality, values, beliefs through assessment tools and inspirational books. Excavate your soul and create your life around what is most precious to you.

5). Encourage Yourself
You are worthy of special treatment! Say and do nice things for yourself every day. Keep a running accomplishment list and add to it regularly.

6). Expand Yourself
Explore the world around you. Get interested in what life has to offer. Read books, meet people, take classes, and travel to new countries. Get in the habit of doing things differently.

7). Forgive Yourself
Let go of any residual guilt or fear from your past. Forgive yourself for making mistakes and not getting everything “exactly right.” When you forgive, you free up emotional energy that can better used to love and be loved.

. Value Yourself
Just by being born, you are worthy of esteem and value. Let yourself off the hook and move from having to do anything to deserve to be valued. Treat yourself like you would a best friend.

You deserve to get all of your needs met, and you are the person most capable of doing it. Know that YOU are the MOST important person in your life. You will always be in relationship with yourself, so make it the best relationship it can be. When you love yourself, you take care of your own needs, and as a result, you have a cup that begins to overflow, with even more to share with other people.

Michelle L. Casto, Ph.D.
http://www.smartlifechanges.com