When I feel emotionally crushed, I feel squashed all over. Every part of me feels shattered, broken and bleeding in every sense except the physical.

My body remains intact, but the psychological structures that support it are in taters. This is the essence of emotional disintegration at the cellular level. I have been through this on a number of occasions during the course of my growth journey. And each time I come back together at a healthier and stronger place.

It’s hard going through a process such as this. It is literally a shattering experience. Everything you’ve relied on feels broken and strewn across the floor of your life. Your ideas, your dreams, your hopes, all shattered and lying in a heap which can never be put back together- just like Humpty Dumpty!

There is a temptation to pick up those pieces and attempt a reintegration, but the damage is beyond repair. Only a new structure can replace this mess. When you feel shattered, broken and bleeding, there’s nothing much to do but wait.

You will come back together in short order. Don’t worry about that. It’s just part of the reconstruction process. The old has to come down before the new can fully come forth. Your body, mind and spirit will come back together as they are very capable of doing. So don’t dwell too much on the anxiety; that will pass too.

At some level you are letting go of something you don’t need anymore, like a snake shedding its old skin. The snake doesn’t need that skin anymore because a new one has been growing underneath. Just like the spiritual and emotional growth you’ve been practicing has taken shape underneath and is ready to be viewed. A newer, fresher version of who you are is coming to the fore.

You will be feeling vulnerable for a while. That old skin kept you cozy with its familiarity and predictability. But, as with all things in nature, a new order wants to be established and the old has to come down to make room for it. So we crawl into the deep grass with our anxiety and fear and wait for that old skin to come off. Once that is accomplished we may need to stay for a while because we will feel naked and vulnerable for some time after. That’s OK. Take all the time you need. You will be ready to move forward soon enough.

Such is the nature of a transformation. A certain point is reached where the old order has to crumble to make room for the new. We psychologists call it Positive Disintegration. It is the hope for our future as human beings. Too many people want to hang on at this point, fearing the disappearance of the familiar. But nature has her own agenda and she will only wait so long before pushing you through to the next level. Better not to fight it once you’re aware of what’s going on.

Where we go after the transformation depends on what we’ve been building underneath. Positive affirmations, creative endeavors, spiritual writing and growth workshops, whatever you’ve pursued to help you open up have done their job. There’s something new knocking at the door. There is no going back no matter how much you may want to, or how hard you try. The genie is out of the bottle. You cannot unlearn what you’ve been learning. If you’re willing to be honest now, you’ll realize that a part of you is very excited about this.

Because what lies just ahead is likely to be very beautiful and even more than we expected in terms of new forms of being. It’s the excitement children feel with every growth step they take. Each step changes the way we relate to ourselves and the world around us. This new self order will be all of those things you’ve been working for and a few surprises as well. We never fully know what we’re building underneath until it comes out to greet us. That’s the surprise and the joy of creation.

So where do we go from here with this emerging Self, this new being arising from within?

We’ve been building this for a long time. Taking courses, reading books, doing exercises, changing our rhythm and vibration, exploring new worlds and opening ourselves to ever expanding possibilities.

The Creative Force has been at work here with our active participation. He’s been behind the scenes all along, pushing and prodding, urging you to take chances. “Try something different; you know you want to!” And slowly but surely you open to that center where He lives and guides you. This is no mere fancy. This is not about faith. This is simple yet palpable experience that you recognize as your own. He is your Director after all and you recognize Him because He is You. You and I are simply an incarnate version of His curiosity, love and joy.

It seems we are born to this duty. Our personhood requires us to grow. Only growth matters in the grand scheme. He must grow to mature and thrive and we along with Him.

So His order for us to shed our old skin arrives in a timely fashion. It is the correct course for this moment in our evolution. Such events are rarely convenient, but necessary nevertheless. So let yourself shed that old skin now. A transformation is upon you. You will feel shattered, broken and bleeding for a little while but that will pass, because a new you is set to emerge. Let that be your gift to yourself and to Him. Time to come out now and see your new Self today. You’ve got a brand new skin! How does it feel?

Maurice Turmel PHD
http://mygriefblog.blogspot.com