Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities overwhelm us, we come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not we think and believe that someone, or even most people, are better than us, when in reality, the fact is that most people are more scared than we are. Learning to love yourself is part of the process of being both real and happy. Forget the "I will be happy when..." and learn to accept things as they are now.

For example, at a party, you spot an attractive girl casually sipping a long drink. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read her mind, you might see a dark clouds of thoughts and be amazed that she’s thinking “are people wondering why I am seated here on my own?" - "Why don’t guys find me attractive?" - "I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny" - "I wish I was as clever as my best friend.”

We look at a young businessman and say “Hey what else could he ask for?” Yet he sees himself at the mirror and says to himself, “I hate my big nose, I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me, I hope mum and dad can still work things out.”

Isn’t it curious? When we look at other people we envy them for being so obviously perfect and we wish we could swap places with them. They look at us and think the same thing. We are as insecure as other people who themselves are as insecure as us. We suffer from the same low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notice how socially handicapped she is becoming and gradually affecting the people around her.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?”. In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

George Benson sang in one of his great songs: “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True because in order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people how to improve themselves, let them see that you are an example of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, able to inspire others then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourself as somehow second-rate. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer" "if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and start comparing only to ourselves; that way we can see self-improvement in action as we improve.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, and so on. But life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and learning to love yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Peter Fisher
http://www.your-positive-attitude.com/