Few qualities of human and particularly male personality are praised higher than confidence. Confidence seems to be the foundation or at least an essential element of success in a professional world, social settings, and romantic relationships.

Whether you communicate with clients and colleagues or doing a presentation in front of an important audience – a positive, charismatic demeanor, and high self-esteem where you demonstrate positive energy, self-esteem and belief in yourself will go a long way toward increasing your chances of being appreciated, promoted, and otherwise successful.

Women consider confidence to be one of the most attractive qualities in a man. Ask any woman what qualities she finds most appealing in men and what turns her on. Confidence will usually be on top of her list. Indeed, every step in a man’s pursuit of a romantic partner requires a great deal of confidence on his part. Approaching a woman, kissing a woman for the first time, becoming sexual with a woman and even handling different conflicts in a romantic relationship requires us to be enthusiastic, to get out of our comfort zone, and to pursue things in a proactive manner. Shyness and lack of confidence, on the other hand, impede the ability of many men to have a successful romantic life.

Confidence is indeed a great quality to have. But how does one acquire it? It is a shame that most of the commercially available materials on marketing skills, self-help, and dating are of literally no help in this crucially important subject. These popular sources suggest that men should simply be confident, they should act confidently, or they should “fake it until they make it.” Affirmations and positive self-talk are notoriously ineffective and are widely criticized because most of them are too generic and too abstract to apply to real life situations. Acting confident makes a person come across as not genuine and rarely works. When a man fakes confidence, the lack of authenticity in his behavior becomes apparent to the outside world very quickly. The awkward bodily movements and lack of congruence between that man’s behavior and his words give away the unstable nature of his sense of self-worth in any situation.

We all learn through our life experiences that achieving real results in any field and acquiring any kind of significant, useful skill is a gradual process that takes time, great effort, patience, and perseverance. There are no easy ways to achieving significant goals. This principle literally pervades any aspect of our lives. Getting an academic degree, for instance, takes four whole years, unless, of course, you enroll in some on-line college of questionable quality. Building a toned, muscular body takes months or even years of spending long hours at a gym day after day. Surely, taking steroids will bring the desired results much quicker, but the quality of those results will be inferior, not to mention the health detriments that steroid users suffer from. Learning a foreign language or learning how to play a musical instrument is also a lengthy process that requires great determination on the part of those who wish to develop those abilities.

It is often suggested that a man should feel good about who he is, but it is rarely pointed out that a person actually needs valid reasons to become and be confident. Such a certainty comes from personal achievements – achievements that reflect on that man’s valuable skills and traits of character.

Contrary to the popular view, confidence is not just an easily adjustable mindset that a person can just turn on and off like a switch. Confidence is a skill! It’s an integral part of one’s personality. Like all other worthy qualities, developing confidence requires an investment of significant effort and time. The great news is that confidence is a natural side effect of another great quality - the quality of living a great life. Having an interesting, fulfilling, exciting life, filled with short-term and long-term goals, which you are excited about and constantly working on, will make you feel like a winner at the end of every day. Setting small goals every day and achieving them at the end of each day will literally make you feel like a fighter on your own personal battlefield – the fighter who achieves another great conquest every time your planned task is completed. Whether you set a goal of running a mile under a certain time, or performing a certain work-out routine, or finishing reading a book or writing a book, or finishing up a work project, or getting involved in a totally unfamiliar and new field to you – set those goals each day and make sure you actually work toward achieving them each and every day. That sense of personal growth, of feeling that you are more, that you can do more or know more at the end of each day than you were at the end of the previous day, will literally transform your life and make you experience a tremendous life satisfaction, while making you feel truly proud of yourself.

Confidence is like a muscle that you can and should grow. Like any other bodily muscles, self esteem does not grow overnight, but it is sure worth growing, and the rewards of having it justify the efforts that you will invest into it. Just like any bodily muscle, however, it deteriorates if not used. So, develop, train, and hone your confidence through building a life filled with positive events and exciting activities, which you look forward to, and you will literally be “infected” with confidence without even noticing as it happens. And remember – when you become excited and proactive about your life, the world in return will be excited about you, and more doors than you have ever imagined will open to you in every avenue of your life!

Arkady Itkin
http://practicalhappiness.com