When speaking with potential clients during exploratory sessions, I often ask them what their “ideal life” would look like. Without fail, they are taken aback: it seems they’ve never thought about their life in those terms – is that even allowed?! Apparently the self-help gurus are right: people put more thought into planning their vacations than they do their lives.

It seems preposterous that someone would go to the airport at the beginning of their vacation and hop on a random flight to the destination that everyone else seems to be headed – and yet that is the approach that many people seem to take with their lives. Why is that? Why do many of us not even contemplate what an ideal life would look like? Is it such an impossibility? Or are we simply pre-empting the disappointment and potential embarrassment of pursuing our dreams and not achieving them.

Michael Neill, author of You Can Have What You Want, says: “When it comes to going for what we want in life, many of us suffer from what I call ‘premature practicality.’ While part of us is genuinely excited at the idea of focusing in on what we would really love to be, do and have in our lives, the rest of us is busy trying to figure out how on earth we’re going to get it. We calculate the odds, decide that it is unlikely at best and put it out of our minds as best we can.”

Well, your ideal life is certainly unlikely to happen if you don't even give yourself permission to think about it. Thanks to the changing nature of work and leisure – and the advent of phenomena like the Internet, wireless communication, a “free-agent” nation and globalism – there are limitless forms it could take. Still, while the universe has infinite possibilities at its beck and call, it needs some guidance from you.

Here are four ways to get started:

1. Think negative. Counter-intuitive as it sounds, Steve Chandler, author of ,100 Ways to Motivate Yourself, discovered the power of the negative in one of his goal achievement workshops. With everyone struggling to come up with some goals, he turned the tables and told them to write down everything they didn’t want in their lives. Suddenly the room started buzzing with energy, and Chandler realized that saying “no” was, in this case, more powerful than saying “yes.” “Saying no is drawing a line in the sand; it is taking a stand against what you absolutely fear and dread and refuse to let into your life.”

So make a list of what you don't like about your current life (e.g. two-hour commute, deskbound job, distance from family), then flip to its opposite, positive version and start from there.

2. The world is your catalog. To stimulate your imagination and expand your idea of what’s possible – whether it’s in the realm of wealth, adventure, creativity, relaxation or fitness – you will need to do some research.

Magazines, books, songs, movies, blogs and, of course, other people… inspiration can be found everywhere. I collect photos and articles that represent my ideal life, and instead of feeling envious when someone has something I want, I think: “What a good idea!' and add it to my list.

3. Imagine an “ideal day.” If it’s too daunting to imagine every aspect of an ideal life, why not start with your idea of “the ideal day.” Get very specific: How and with whom would you spend it? What would you wear, eat, read, watch and talk about? How would you want to feel? Write it down, flesh it out, in glorious detail.

Now, how could you incorporate some of these elements into your life right now? (Signing up for weekly Portuguese lessons, for example, in preparation for opening your own scuba diving shop in Rio de Janeiro.) Like adding a drop of Kool-Aid to a glass of water, having one small element of your life be “ideal” will energize and color the whole.

4. Be happy where you are. That’s right, you don’t have to wait for your ideal life to be happy – isn’t that a relief?! Because it’s not about experiencing a sense of lack, but rather feeling excitement about the ongoing creation of your life as your “research” uncovers new possibilities. As in: “I’m totally satisfied. I just want more.” Once you’ve achieved Ideal Life, Version 1.0, simply repeat as desired.

Renita Kalhorn
http://www.intheflowcoaching.com