In one of his movies the famous comic W C Fields walks into a bank and the teller says, "Can you identify yourself? " Fields says, "of course, do you have a mirror." The teller hands him a mirror and he immediately says, "Yup that's me."

An ancient sage says knowing the world is knowledge but knowing yourself is wisdom. I thought about "who am I" this past week while I decorated a cake I made for my husband's birthday. The first two layers were a perfection of cake, sliced strawberries and whipping cream. As I placed the final layer I suffered a moment of ego and thought my husband's family won't believe I baked this. Just then the cake crumbled in my hands. Pieces of cake and crumb now decorated the top.

Who among us can say they really know themselves, beyond the face in the mirror? Do I identify myself like W C Fields, saying "yup" that's me or can I see beyond the self-deception and illusion?

The question of identity is struggling to come to terms with where we are, where we've been and where we are going. Asking the question who am I while piecing together broken cake seemed absurd. But I knew why this was a problem, I had wanted to show off my own simple brand of perfection and now I could not. The broken cake was like a metaphor for my relationship with my in laws. I am not the real "me" when I am with them because I believe they would never accept and like who I really am.

So to reinforce my self-image I write my own story. Sometimes I include my proclivities and sometimes I edit constructing an identity and a voice that's really not my own. It's not the story I'm comfortable with, it's the story I want someone else to like.

The Buddha believed that this attachment to self is what brings unhappiness in our life. While we are constantly rewriting this story of the self we are clinging to fears of all kinds, which leads us to possessiveness and to a sense of being separate.

The truth is there are no definite answers to the question, who am I. It's constantly shifting and changing, who we are is not a fixed entity. Our roles, our definitions just like our age and appearance is transitory. Whenever we have this self-assessment we get a glimpse at how incomplete our identity really is.

So I wondered how can I become more connected while I let go of this sometimes-painful thinking?

The best way to know yourself is to experience being at ease with everyone and everything just as it is, Ya Ta Buta, in Sanskrit as it is, not as we would like it to be.

I used the rest of the whipping as a glue for the broken cake and garnished it all with more strawberries. It was okay but I couldn't' help but think it was like putting on too much makeup to look better. The moment of revelation had arrived; I carried the cake into the dining room atop a beautiful pedestal. There were compliments and comments, "you worked too hard, and how delicious." It was then the entire top layer fell off onto the floor.

I had to laugh, it was all too ridiculous, I scooped up the cake onto another plate and served everyone what was left. And guess what? It was wonderful; I was in the moment, okay with the mess and at ease with the company I always feared so critical. It was then I realized it was me, I was the silent jury, the judge that voice so attached to a particular outcome. I can never know the answer to the question "who am I" until I let go of who I think I should be.

Karen Pesta provides character education for students K-12 promoting academic and social achievement and physical and emotional health. If you are looking for a program of character education that is deliberate, holistic and reaches your entire student population visit: http://www.creativeworldconnection.com