Years ago at a family reunion picnic the day was ending with a baseball game. People were choosing up sides and when it was my turn I was quick to say, "no thanks, I'm not very athletic." I didn't just decline I continued to elaborate my excuse saying as a child I was never encouraged to play sports and had no physical fitness class in school so I never developed any athletic skills.

Psychologists call this behavior self-handicapping. Self-handicapping goes beyond a mere lowering of expectations; it's mostly an unconscious way to protect the self-image. As expected there are benefits and consequences to this protective behavior.

I had never examined my ready excuse I had always just accepted it and believed it. I didn't even allow myself to feel deficient since it wasn't my fault. A recent article in the New York Times says this type of behavior is an exercise in self-delusion. The problem is if you use your excuse too often it will be seen as a character defect instead of a limitation.

I consider myself a very fit and athletic person. I do yoga, swim and hike but I've never participated in a team sport. I've never played in a game where my performance contributed to a win or a loss. So I have to wonder am I afraid of failure, of looking foolish or both? Psychologists say self-handicapping is more likely to occur when the task is ego involving and where failure is anticipated.

In retrospect it's easy to see that I withdrew because I anticipated my poor performance in advance. Even thought I never consciously rationalized this behavior I was ready to sit the bench. So ready that I don't even enjoy watching professional sports teams today and when I do I feel sorry for the loser.

In protecting our egos we find or create an impediment that will make good performance less likely, this strategy protects our self-competence. All of this makes me wonder if competition is even healthy for our egos.

Competition is a part of our society but in order to be considered healthy you must develop a positive attitude about it. Having a negative experience or feeling incompetent can have long-term effects on anyone's attitude toward competition.

Perhaps we put too much emphasis on winning, on being number one. As an adult I don't need to be better than someone else to feel good. But I wonder how well do children fare with this system that puts winning in such high regard.

Anyone working with children should consider the benefits of cooperative play and learning. It promotes a positive kind of interdependence that says we all sink or swim together.

I once read about a primitive tribe called the Piraha that live along the Amazon River. This tiny group of people possess a kind of unselfish cooperation that allows them to survive in this harsh environment. Anthropologists who lived with this group once attempted to organize a day of field games, but the Piraha upset the games. In a footrace when one fellow would get ahead of everyone else he would stop and wait until the other runners could catch up. The idea of winning was not only novel but also unappealing. For the Piraha it's we cross the line together or we don't cross it at all. For the games to be a success everyone had to win.

Maybe a collective change in society's attitudes toward competition will help us all. If winning isn't part of the game I don't have to self-handicap anymore. I might even get off the bench and play.

Karen Pesta provides character education for students K-12 that helps "sharpen the saw" through enrichment promoting academic and social achievement and physical and emotional health. If you are looking for a program of character education that is deliberate, holistic and reaches your entire student population visit: http://www.creativeworldconnection.com