“I’m an idiot, What use am I to anybody, What good am I to anybody I’m a loser , I’m pathetic , what exactly am I good for, I can’t get anything right, Why do I bother, I hate myself, I’M NOTHING TO ANYONE”, etc.
And on the self-talk goes.

Sound familiar to you? Been there before? I know I have. Why do we sometimes or often feel or think this way? I would guess it’s because we feel better when wallowing in self-pity. After all, no-one else will feel sorry for us, therefore we might as well fell sorry for ourselves. It’s our comfort blanket to shield us from the realities of lie. It’s easier to play the victim, than to take responsibility for our situation.

However, we can be in the strange situation of accepting full responsibility for ourselves and still continue the self-talk which if we’re not careful, can spill into something pretty self-destructive and harmful for our mental state.

We let our frustrations boil over (a natural part of human behaviour) and we resort to blaming ourselves for everything, tearing ourselves apart with such vitriol and self-loathing over why we failed at this or that task.
From my perspective, I feel we have come (at least within Western society) to compare ourselves with others, so that no matter what great things we might have done in the past, it’s put to the back and rubbished while our failures, setbacks and defeats are poured over and scrutinised in great detail until we drive ourselves mad with overanalysis.

Stress can be caused by excessive worry, as well as other emotions such as anger. When we get angry or frustrated over a failure so some sort, we actually lose control and slide easily into the ‘victim’ mindset where we start feeling outside forces are all conspiring against us. We see failure as an extension of ourselves, as if the setback and the individual were one and the same. We also start to feel everything that went wrong is our own fault and therefore, we don’t deserve any happiness.

The bottom line is that as frustrating it might be to not be able change our past, we MUST look forward and ask ourselves: “what can/will I give to friends/family/society, that I know would be valuable? Sometimes the greatest thing we can give is ourselves. When we look deep inside and discover we are unique and here for a purpose, we can start to look at what good we can bring to the world, remembering that it’s not always the grand gestures or spectacular successes that make us special and valuable to others, but WHOM WE ARE as people that matters. When we realise this, we can then shift our perspective from being a fearful, helpless victim who feels worthless, to a strong human being who accepts that failures and setbacks are as normal and regular as breathing or blinking.

I myself stopped seeing failure as an extension of myself and that meant I could handle the disappointments far better without taking things personally. Never think of failure as an extension of yourself. Instead, simply accept that you made a mistake and develop a healthy self-liking that allows for failure, as long as you learn from each experience.

www.yourlifesuccess.blogspot.com