crappy old Suzhou is the last place I intend to visit.

That is definitely not called for. Suzhou is a tourist city that doesn't need randy foreigners like you who are interested in pursuing 'hot girls'. You've probably little to offer them in any case as you're just an ordinary foreign teacher at an ordinary public university. Nobody special.
You work in China, yet you have lots of bad things to say about the country and its people. I think you should seriously consider leaving the country for a job elsewhere. Then you'll likely become a happier chappy. Make off when your current contract has finished and thereby shed all your vitriole! I'm tired of reading it on here.