I'm an atheist, but if I've got all this afterlife thing wrong, I dare say that hell would have far better quality drugs and hookers than heaven.

ha ha ha. and the devil bringing you bacon sandwiches and cups of tea to boot, eh? Nope, sorry, it's not like that. It's constant beatings and torture and 'cop this up the rear end, sailor' every time old nick (no pun, not me) gets frisky. Maybe you could get through to the happy lounge with your other passport and a dog's collar though. If they're busy; big rail crash or something you may just be able to slip through. All good fun, ha ha ha.