I prefer real-ale, at the correct cellar temperature.

As you would, as do I. However, you are incorrect to state that lager cannot be real ale, imho...

Are you a pretend Northern Englishman or a Chinese infiltrator? Have you never heard of the expression "to go for the jugular?"

As for the chilled chemicals you offered, thank you no! I prefer real-ale, at the correct cellar temperature.

Well I never, it's The Lawyer, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I did have my suspicions when you mentioned Germany and your penchant for the jugular. How are you Dear Boy? How are the Frauleins?

Now, as to my beef- How did the story go? You knew me and my bruvver, him whom you had a close relationship , a subsequent argument ensued, leaving me unhappy with you ever since. As I told you before you have got the wrong bloke, you must make a habit of having arguments with peoples brothers and believe an irate relative can pop up in the most unlikely of places. Never mind, good to see you reborn.

I have very few skills so I have to limit myself to using them where I can. They wouldn't take me in Germany.

Do you mean those evil posters from Birmy are English? I feel ashamed.

You sound like you're having a gay old time. I couldn't stand all the noise of their laughter and shouting when I tried some games out. No, dictation is so much better. I like to see their little faces when I announce it. The only way they can avoid it is to sleep-I like sleeping students because they are quiet. Twenty minutes of dictation, then they can punctuate it correctly. If we have time we can quietly discuss the consequences of using brackets instead of parentheses on the story etceteras.

I'm flying a paper plane in class as a way to motivate my students. To start with, I throw it among them. Whoever is lucky enough to be where it lands gets the chance to answer my first question. A correct response means the respondant can throw it, whereas a wrong answer, or no response at all, lets me throw it again. My charges are just loving it - some of them even construct their own ones paper planes and fly them in class! My teaching assistant came up with this brainwave, good for her. We're working for a recruiter at a public senior middle school in China. Our students are first graders, up to 70 per class. Very occasionally a student will throw the paper plane, and it will do a somersault in mid flight and land beside him, by pure chance. Then I make him answer another question, at which point his classmates will be in uproar. Sometimes I dodge out of the way of the paper plane to avoid having to answer my own question. Occasionally, I'll ask a boy 'Ladies first?'. If he says no, I'll make him answer another question! The students have a good laugh at my antics. My T/A is the best one in the company, according to her. She is beautiful and young. What a good way to pass the time while making money. I just love this, it's not hard work at all - one lesson plan regurgitated 18 times/week. And no exams to be given nor marking of homework. Talk about easy money, this is it! Stuff the likes of Birmey and multiple lesson plans, and being accountable for one's teaching, cor blimey, glad I'm not a limey! Have a nice day, bye for now.

Even though I've long since made a rule that Chinese teachers are not allowed to sit in in my classes, I still get told what a lousy teacher I am from time to time; however, that's all grist for the mill for me, and anyway they are most probably half right, I'm not very good. The only back-handed compliment I am given is that I sound like a BBC news reporter when I speak English. I'm regarded as dour and uninteresting, even though 75% of my lessons are conducted in Mandarin. I mean, I think the siege of Colchester is gripping stuff.