C. "Western parents do not love their children as much as we do! Why else would they just let them move out by themselves and become so independent after college? We take care of our own kids, we even arrange marriages for them."

Usually because they bring up their kids to be so socially inadequate that they need a marriage arranging for them. Especially the spoilt Fu Er Dai types.

That student from the TC I just told you about, also once told me that she'd never had a boyfriend, can't remember how old she was, but at least 18 - maybe early 20s. I just straight up told that in western countries, everybody would think she was weird.

I do sometimes wonder how she is progressing in Canada/Australia/Wherever she eventually ended. She has probably progressed marvellously, she will have been no doubt corrupted by unexpected individuality and self-responsibility and suddenly introduced to great western student world of binge drinking, recreational drug use and promiscuity, but hey, what happens in college, stays in college. No doubt that her parents will be proud of her and they will have also saved thousands through money laundering.

Did he really get a crap teaching job with a fake TEFL or he just encouraging lowlife foreigners to do so in order to entrap them? I'm going to take an haphazard guess at this and give you a rather amateurishly painted picture of his background just for entertainment purposes. It is amazing what you will write when you are stuck in bed with a cold and a f**ked sleeping pattern.

I'm not sure if he really has a job (certainly not an ESL job), apart from the wumao job where he has sit all day in some random Wangba/Internet cafe and pretend to be English for a living, whilst all the normal socially inadequate 25 year old plus Chinese virgin geeks that are somehow not able to have their parents introduce a wife to them, get to do relatively fun, normal stuff on the computer like play World of Warcraft, League of Legends, etc for hours on end. He is slightly higher class of wumao, I think.

Most just get to post on Sina Weibo if they are well educated and target the white collar guys, QQ zone or Tencent Weibo if they are bit more blue collar, farmer-like or young. He can use his English skills to post on the forums full of foreigners for a premium price, therefore he is probably not a wumao, but actually a 'liumao'. Aren't we lucky to enjoy his presence on the board?

Typical long-term wangba residents are normally still bachelors either due to circumstance or choice, usually because they are waidiren that are too poor, or in case of the wealthier guys like W.W; they are actually more sexually attracted to computer game characters and manga-style cartoons than real women. You've got to give him credit, he has excellent English for a Chinese socially-awkward, internet-addicted geek, but he has been lying low recently due to heavy ridicule he has received. That's the cut-throat nature of the expat wumao game, one slip regarding culture references, previous statements or Chinglish and you are instantly outed, your alias faces a sudden, unceremonious death.

My overall impression is that Willie came from a slightly middle class Chinese family, he was obviously too stupid or lazy to ever pass the Gaokao, therefore he went away and studied abroad at a second or third rate British university for some reason, probably because he couldn't get into his preferred destinations - the U.S.A or Canada, where all the rich kid Gaokao failures like to go thanks to their superior Chinese communities and endless opportunities to help their scumbag parents dodge tax. He eventually went to the UK, did his standard one year remedial English course prior to the degree.

If he didn't do that remedial course, then no wonder that he advocates the use of fake certificates! He probably cheated on the IELTS thanks to the wonderful services that TCs can provide - most of their VIP customers are the parents of retard kids that are too stupid to get into Chinese universities. I recall my spell at TC where I was chatting to one of those dumb straight-A students who could memorize absolutely anything, but certainly not think freely, a classic product of the Chinese rote learning system.

She told me that "I want to go to Australia, but my parents say I must go to Canada". Couldn't help but laugh because it was obvious that Daddy was a tax-avoiding, dodgy c**t with connections in Vancouver. Walk past almost any larger branch of New Oriental and look for British/American flag on the advertisement for IELTS/TOEFL/A-level/SAT prep courses and you'll see what I'm talking about, it's not about education, but emigration, lol. Not to mention their sister production for the little ones, wonderfully named 'Pump kids'... Back to Beelzebub.

He then started his course only to fail to hang around with real British students, he quickly discovered that most British girls rejected him regardless of his family's wealth, not to mention that the initial heavy drinking sessions with the friendlier English lads during Fresher's week probably mentally scarred him for life. Like most of the Chinese students of lower ability, he was only able to make friends with fellow Chinese people and constantly stuck to their little group.

My younger cousin tells me that these Chinese international students are the crappiest of potential group-work partners for a project thanks to their comically shit English and laziness. But apparently the rich Daddy's girls are well worth boning, so my cousin told me that he persevered during a project once but he had to do most of the work for them. But back to the man himself, once again.

Mancunian/W.W/Beelzebub probably grew up a little bit, got his arse into gear, worked hard and got a third or 2:2 after bribing one of the professors to pass him on a certain module. Chance are he didn't actually get to bribe anybody though as British professors are usually reluctant to take bribes - it is usually the ladies that have that special something, an untraceable asset that they can offer and that certainly isn't money. So, well done Woodbine Willie! Unlike his internet alias, the man behind the mask probably has got a legitimate degree, albeit a not so great one.

Regardless, he was a lazy bugger at uni, lived off mummy and daddy's money and never got a part-time job. With a lack of experience and a not so great degree that he barely passed, he was not really the most employable of graduates and Oh no! His student visa was running out... What was a pathetic excuse for an international student like him going to do? Go back to China and fight against the foreigners that for the best part rejected him.

He hated British people, their student drinking culture, their fish and chips, their kebabs... Not to mention he found that most British people that near lived his house were not the friendly white gentlemen that he had expected but those who were actually of Pakistani or Caribbean heritage and weren't exactly friendly to Chinese people as standard. What a cultural shock for the poor boy, he probably got mugged once or twice per term too.

Unlike the other kind of angry Asian university student that you usually find living in British university libraries, he wasn't going to listen to Tu-Pac all day and become a potential home-grown terrorist (that usually fail in their goal, grow up and become respectable middle-class I.T technicians), he did the honourable thing and returned to China. Finding that there was a huge labour surplus in China and somehow being far too overqualified to assemble i-phones, he spent some time unemployed, playing computer games all day until a recruiter (people who he no doubt absolutely loves) found him and finally got to put his great English language skills to good use and then became an expat expert wumao, that commanded a one mao premium.

My prediction is that he is coming back and his alias has recently had a sex change, watch out for the postings of a certain faux-middle class female character with an archaic kind of name. Following the same kind of writing style, same characteristics, he will get spotted again. Welcome back, Mr. Liu Mao, we are look forward to ridiculing you once again!