My Chinese school printed me out a fake TEFL, and that is good enough for an oral English teacher.

That is up for debate, because like many other items it is fake! You did not put in the four weeks to get said TEFL so arguably someone who got it honestly, knows more than you did and had to turn up to get it. Why you insist fake documents are ok I shall never understand. Perhaps this crappy school of yours needs reporting, heiriver, whatever his name is.