Mr. Frank Zhang,

I just graduated from High School and enjoy smoking marihuana. I want to come to China to teach English. Can you help me find a job?

Maybe, many respectable schools won`t take someone like me because I have no real teaching diploma or a degree from college. Therefore, I have gotten a fake degree from Alabama Country Cow University, one of the best known and reputed degree mills in the US.

I am sure the less respectable schools you are in contact with may be in pretty urgent need of someone like me. Here is what I ask in return for my services of simply going there and playing the clown for those running the school:

1. 20,000 YUan RMB a month (false money printed by yourself),
2. my own luxury apartment with rats in the kitchen
3. a heavy teaching load of at least 300 hours a week,
4. Other benefits should include additional lies and cheats on your part and that of the school,
5. arbitrary deductions from my salary by the school when they can`t pay the full amount;
6. school guard and management that are quick to lock me up when I want to leave before,
7. etc. etc.

If you and the school behind you meet these minimimum requirements, please contact me immediately. And do not forget to send me a first class plane ticket to China and have the red carpet in Shanghai ready when a VIP like me is going to leave the plane.

Yes, you are indeed a good recruiter, and this is why I turn humly to you with my request.

Halleluja, Amen! Frank Zhang is the savior of mankind!
Praised be his name forever!