My assistant will answer for me and you will then reply to her. You can then get rid of me for good.

This is exactly why you don't get any respect, because you don't deserve any with that holier than thou attitude. What right do you have to ask others to provide for something that you yourself cannot attain (Chinese fluency). The gall of you to post saying that someone else answering for you is good enough because obviously you're too good to learn chinese to begin with, I think you just insulted every Chinese speaker out there. The real Chinese speakers are apparently beneath you. You employ a typical tactic of winning the argument at any cost by continually upping the ante, though why you believe you have ANY RIGHT to dictate terms to others is something your pea-brain cannot come around to.

Here's an example of the type of GW that I am talking about, one that fits Mary Ann pretty well:

GW: Hey, do you speak Chinese?

GW Translation:

Me: Yes, I do.

GW: That's good! It's important to know the language(note the better than you attitude). Chinese people are....{followed with a generalisation that makes no logical sense and can be applied to any culture/place/people} such as "...very smart", "very interesting to know", "very good at learning English".

GW Translation:

Me: Okay, but I don't think China is that great, at least there are many things that needs to be changed before it can call itself a developed nation.

GW: No! C'mon! Don't say that, you sound like a racist when you make thost comments. China is so great, so are the people.

GW Translation:

Me: You actually sound like you don't have any experience living in china, at the very least you don't really socialize or converse with the locals too much. I think if you overlooked the facts, an educated Chinese individual who is actually trying to improve the situation in this country that he/she loves so much would be insulted by your attitude that everything was A ok.

GW: Well... DO YOU SPEAK CHINESE?? PROVE IT!! Write A, B, and C for me in Chinese. Speak E, F, and G in this dialect. I'll bet you don't know how to twirl your fingers, juggle three pandas, and spin on your head all at the same time while singing the Chinese national anthem in reverse Mandarin now, CAN YOU?? No!! I didn't think so!

GW Translation:

I'm an A-Hole, but I have no other recourse due to being an imbecile than to make other people feel intimidated by my stupidity and hope that they mistake it for intelligence!

I will close by saying that if I had to personally share any chinese to the likes of you, I would christen you a "turtle's egg". Perhaps you have heard of the Chinese slang for turtle? Together with Chinese for egg that actually makes for a three character phrase which sounds like a name. Hint: The first character is WANG, as in the most common surname in China. Try to make an effort and do some research on what the next 2 characters are.