Phil, I'm surprized that after two years in China you were still caught off guard by some of these antics.

1) A 15 minute walk to the nearest shopping? So? You don't like exercise? And most cheap food in China is prepared by people that have never had a cooking lesson. Did you get sick from it? And most towns in China are still "dumps." Fortunately for us we don't have to live in them forever; they do. (Granted, China has the fourth largest economy in the world, but that still translates to a per capita of US$2 a day, ranking at #100 in the world. There are still many dumps in China.)

2) What is it about the phrase, "It doesn't matter," you don't understand? Often in summer camps the students are there for fun, not for strict learning. They didn't have pens or paper or books? That's your first clue that you'll have to improvise! The message there is that they're not planning to write anything down. Make them speak, practice greetings, give them rhymes, sing songs; the manager didn't care, they probably don't care, why should you? Just use the book as a guide for ideas.

3) When they have so little language they can't even say their name, its language by immersion. Point, pantomime, interact, role play, they'll get the idea. And unpaid Chinese teachers not being much help? Hmmm, gee, well, I would chalk that up to human nature. If you were away from home, stuck in a dump, without any shopping nearby, throwing eggs for fun, eating indescribably bad food, and not getting paid for it, all without any choice in it, would you be very helpful? I certainly wouldn't be. I'd be sitting in the shade of a tree somewhere drinking tea.
Making them understand with your hands and not using translation is the basis of teaching by immersion. Its actually a lot of fun, especially with kids. They respond quite well to a measure of silliness.

You asked to have a student removed--presumably a child--from an English class because she couldn't speak English? How ironic! A student who's parent paid money for her to be there. To learn a few words of English. From a foreign teacher. Getting paid four grand for two weeks of work. And you tried to kick her out of the class. But you didn't mention if you actually touched the child or not. It seems to me you would've mentioned that you had not. I would guess that you should be down on your knees thanking whatever deity you believe in for your trip to the bus station and not to the police station or the hospital.

Instead of creating life-long language learners, you may have turned a lot of people off from learning English. Instead of making friends, you probably made a few enemies for all of us. Unfortunately you failed to handle any of your difficulties with a measure of humor or diplomacy, but instead potentiated wild stories about foreigners, and in the process cast a shadow over the rest of us. The lot of them won't remember your name or your face in the days and weeks to come. But what those people, those students, those teachers, that manager, those townfolks will remember is the jerk that couldn't handle a two week contract at a summer camp which was meant to be fun and catch a few words of English in the process.