See this advertisement for Bai Da Wei (so sorry that this has to be your chinese name David and now I'd reconsider):

Bai Da Wei Foreign Language School is based near the centre of the province capital city Changchun, north east China. Founded by an American expatriate ten years ago, today all our foreign teachers are supervised by native English speaking managers.

> They over manage and ridicule you to death! They think they are hot shots and never allow you to feel comfortable enough so you can teach in your element.

With unrivalled experience in supporting foreign teachers in the city

> Give those pesky maggots some flash cards that they can show the taxi drivers and let them be on their way by the way

we understand the kind of questions, anxieties and excitement you may have when considering a new job in China. At Bai Da Wei, we set the standards in teacher selection, support and education.

> and you lie when going through the contract in terms of everything!

Due to further expansion of the school this autumn we are seeking five new native English speaking teachers to join our team between now and August 2009. Our teaching excellence stems through our unique staff development and structured induction, fully preparing you for your first class.

> Good luck recruits.

Here is what you can expect (don't trust this claim):

• Rapid response to all queries from initial contact to the day of departure to Changchung (usually within 24 hours)

• Support at every stage of visa application. Working visas and medicals are organised and paid for by the school

> Whoop-dee doo!!

• Collection from Changchun airport

> Sounds like you're picking up a bag of shit or something. Am I still a human?

• Assigned an established foreign teacher mentor from the school before you leave home

> Never happened.

• Dedicated Foreign Teacher Liaison Manager. Chinese native that will help with everything during your contract such as booking travel or seeing \ a doctor

> How about a psychiatrist for the stress we had to endure?

• Monthly observations and documented feedback for your personal development.

> Try daily!

• Biannual Staff Satisfaction Survey. We want to know what you are happy with and where we can do better

> BS

• Weekly training sessions to help equip you in the classroom If you are looking for employment designed to grow your career and at the same time allow you to embrace and explore China and beyond, then you could be the kind of candidate we are looking for. Hereís what we offer:

> Career? Call it a bad luck calling for some shit you got away with earlier in your life that you're now repaying.

• Choice of contracts: 18, 22 or 26 teaching hours plus 2 hour weekly staff meeting earning you 6,000, 7,000 or 8,000RMB/month respectively.

> Wow! That's good money ;-)

Average local salary is 1,000RMB. One can live comfortably on 2,000RMB

> If your a Chinese street worker.

• Each class is taught with the support of a Chinese teacher

> Support? Try some bitch that is pissed at you for making more than her and trying to run you out by getting everything her way all the time!

• Attractive bonus scheme for student retention (with manager support to help you achieve this)

• Annual bonus of 7,500RMB on completion of a one year contract

> You'd be nuts to go one year.

• Total of 15,000RMB bonus plus additional one week paid annual leave plus 50% air ticket on completion of two year contract

> 2 years! Christ, if you're the "yes sir" "no sir" type of laddy who doesn't mind taking crap from low life's then okay.

• Four weeks paid annual leave

> You'll be in the hospital for the 4 weeks and they won't pay any extra money for the room.

• Medical cover plan

> Yup! You will need that!

• School managed accommodation (cost is 1,000 RMB/month or 500RMB if sharing with another teacher)

> No choice as you will most likely share in a crummy part of town.

• Free transportation to and from school from managed properties

> With a bunch of drop outs with no degree riding with you.

• Regular social events

> whoopee! i hit the lottery!!

What we are looking for:

> a slave.

By now you will see that at Bai Da Wei, we seek to provide everything we can to bring the best out in our teachers and with your input, strive for constant improvement of the school. In return, we look for teachers that have some or all of the following:

> those are good letters huh.

• a teacher that loves to work with children and is happy to teach through play, song and laughter (essential)

> no laughter with those nasty ta's taunting you.

• native English speakers from the USA, UK, Ireland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand or South Africa (essential)

> Haha! South Africa for real?

• a Bachelorís degree (desirable but not essential)

> According to the law it is essential. Now you know this school is a farce.

• some form of Teaching English certification (advantageous)

> BS

• past teaching experience and lesson planning (useful)

> Get used to getting it wrong many times and having to re-send when you don't even have Microsoft Word installed on your computer which is the program they need you to use in order to deliver it. You'll get it wrong again and again and will get so tired of how much time and energy you're wasting. And in a class you won't look at it anyways. Amateurs need to do lesson plans and pros don't.

Some of our teachers are now in their forth and fifth year at the school and with an average turnover of 2.5 years we believe this is a testament to the quality of employment we provide.

> BS. Lots do midnight runners since they are disrespected and those on their high horse who feel like they own the world because they're treated close to being a human being are just fools. Clicky as hell.

Changchun is a large and industrious city with a strong heartbeat, without the living expense of other large cities in China. You can realistically save more than half your salary each month, even on the 18 hour/6,000RMB contract. Because Bai Da Wei teachers are managed by native English speakers, we have been through the Chinese employment process and understand all aspects of teaching English and living in China. This is why we have scrutinised all the issues in overseas employment and aim to make our teachers experience better than anywhere else.

> Changchun for the most part is butt ugly and you may even see a chinese dude whacking off in the middle of the street.

Cold as an ice as well.

If you would like to be considered for a position at Bai Da Wei, please send a covering letter together with your resume/CV and photo to Kyri at baidaweischool@yahoo.com

> If you consider yourself to be stupid then DO IT!!!!

More information about the school at www.baidawei.com

We aim to respond to all enquires within 48 hours. Bai Da Wei, setting the standards!

> Haha! What a joke :-(