Candy, candy pies, good imagination, but pure fiction alas.

If it helps you in some cathartic way, by all means keep writing. Just don't expect everyone else to believe it.

Things are not happening particularly quickly for me Mr Baker; just that I didn't arrive in China and give all my free time over to searching out far-flung Western restaurants and drinking beer with other westerners. I came here with a purpose to find a wife. I do not have time to slow every process down. There are risks from the tactics I have adopted, but on the other hand if you meet a woman you like and ask her if you may kiss her with a view to having sex without delay perhaps your own miserable long-dragged-out-existence might improve. Look at your mate Silverboy, from his posts, he spends so much time seeking out posh eating houses (or pie parlours as i read you used to put it) that he only has time left to nip into a brothel on the way home.