“Be the right example before expecting to see changes in others.”

-Prem Guragain, Anaheim, CA

I would like to start with the following quote by Confucius, a Chinese philosopher :“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.”

We hear many talks, watch shows, read in newspapers, watch on TV and read articles on the internet about changing this and changing that. When we sit down and think, it is very obvious that we should start with us before doing anything for others. As we see in the history books, we find that those great leaders in any field had worked hard to change their daily routines, worked hard to change their own habits, behaviors and finally, were able to influence others.

Leadership is nothing more than influencing others. As some wise person once said, “If you think you are a leader, look back and see how many people are following you. If you are only one walking without anybody following you, then you are just going for a morning walk.” This is so true as it is hard to have a following unless we look into our heart and see if we are worth following.

I always admire Benjamin Franklin, an American hero who had so many talents and even he had to work on thirteen virtues and then only, became so successful. Og Mandino says in his best selling book, The greatest success in the world that “Success depends on good habits. The difference between success and failure depends on our daily habits. Good habits are secret to success and bad habits are reasons for failure in life, in whatever profession we are in.” He also says, “We are all slave to our habits. If I have to be slave to my habits, let me be slave to good habits so that I can succeed in anything I do in life.”

It is a known fact that we can not make everyone happy and should make sure that we do not intentionally hurt people by our words, actions, deeds as we live our life on a daily basis. When somebody wants to do something good, there will be a lot of opposition in the beginning because people are in their comfort zone and do not want somebody to go ahead of them so that they look bad or lazy, for not pursuing anything that is significant in life. I always like to give an example of a crab in a bowl of water. When we put one crab in a bowl filled with water, it will climb up the bowl and will come out of it quickly. Now, if we add one more crab in the bowl, we can be very sure that none of them will ever come out of it. As soon as one is trying to climb up, the other will pull it down. Both would like to be in misery but would never work like a T.E.A.M. (Together Everyone Achieves More) so that both party will be benefited.

This kind of activity is commonly seen in any society and we should accept it as a fact before more enthusiastic, upward mobile people get together for a definiteness of purpose for higher goal and cause that would eventually benefit not only us and our generation but future generations as well. When we look back in history, all the great achievements in science, art, literature and other fields, were possible by few visionaries who could see far into the future and were never worried about what next door neighbor said or any other personal criticizes. They had a dream, work hard towards it, without hurting anybody and finally reached their destination. We would be without roads, cars, planes, computers, phones, light and all this “global village” concept would never have come into existence if we didn’t have so many dreamers in the past.

It is hard to define a word “good” as many people have many definitions. Here are few words that define “good”: morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious; of high quality; excellent; well-behaved; kind, beneficent, or friendly; honorable or worthy; in good standing; reliable; dependable; responsible; cheerful; optimistic; amiable; competent or skillful; socially proper. These are few words that describe “good”. Nobody could claim to have possessed all these qualities but we all can strive towards them, one quality at a time. It is all about focus. We get in life what we focus on, all day long. Priority should be always getting one step towards excellence in whatever work we do or the positions we held. We all have potential to be leaders as nobody is born leaders. As it is said, “When a baby is born, everybody is happy and clap for the baby. Nobody calls the newborn baby a leader. It’s just a baby, but the baby has potential to be what the family, society and culture make him/her.” For an example, an American baby born in America, if sent to Nepal and is raised there in the Nepalese culture, will turn out to be a Nepalese baby and will be the reflection of Nepalese culture and vice versa. We need to accept the fact that when we strive to be good and happy, we might feel as if we are lonely. As Mark Twain said, “Be good and you will be lonesome.”

The best service we can provide for our family, society and Nation is first learning to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind and can be cultivated by being grateful for all the things we already have now. Once we start counting our blessings, they are so many and make us realize the potential we have; to become what we want to be and always can cultivate happy heart. As Helen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” It is great to have the attitude of happiness all the time so that we can benefit everyone that comes in contact with us. History books are filled with people who brought some changes by having positive mental attitude towards what they did. It does not cost anything to smile at somebody who is sad or is going through tough time in life; to listen to somebody who has nobody to listened to;to do some “random acts of kindness” without expecting anything in return and the list is endless. When we have giving heart, nothing compares to the happiness it brings back to us. According to Sir Isaac Newton, famous English scientist, “In every action, there is always an equal or opposite reaction.” We do good, it will come back to us multiple times and at the same time, if we do bad, it will come back to us multiple times. Choice is ours.

When we spend time criticizing and complaining about others, remember that three fingers are pointing towards us and only two fingers towards that person. I think it is a total waste of time to be sitting and gossiping instead of doing something creative. A lot of manpower is wasted, for people to not have any goals in life to accomplish. When the head of the family doesn’t have a dream to do something creative in the future, the whole family suffers. If we have no goal to achieve, we always tend to look back in the past and search for negative things and talk about it. The most excited, enthusiastic and positive people are shooting for some creative work in the future. When people meet them and talk to them, they feel refreshed, vibrant and the enthusiasm is transferred to them. Few people with similar positive set of minds can change the world for better as it is called a “Master Mind Alliance”. Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and grow rich” has talked in detailed about the power of “Master Mind Alliance”. We can do great deal of good for the world by looking inside ourselves on a day to day basis and see if there is some small positive change we could bring in ourselves, starting now.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” As one drop of water collectively, forms the ocean, we can start as one person and never, never, never give up on doing even small amount of good daily and cultivate the habit of happiness by counting our blessings and spreading positive message. People with similar dream and vision will always participate in our cause later.

Let’s awake, arise and achieve our goal in life, whatever that may be. That will not only benefit us, but our children, the whole society, nation and eventually the whole world.

-Prem Guragain, Anaheim, California